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#CareerAdvice : #SuccessfulPeople -How to Pursue your Dream when Everyone Says it Won’t Work….A Great Read!

You finally decided to take the plunge and fulfill your dream to start a business or change your career. You’re excited to tell the world of the new direction in your life, but when you tell your closest friends and family your big news, you hear “what if you fail?“are you sure that’s the right move for you right now? Suddenly with your biggest fears being echoed by those who you thought would be your biggest supporters, and instead of being excited, you are now put on the defensive.

Business and leadership coach Melissa Anderson of Box the Outsidesays it’s not uncommon for the strongest naysayers to be the people who care about you the most. They may try to turn you toward the path that they understand, the status quo, because they’re scared for you and don’t want to see you take a risk and fail. But, Anderson says it’s more common that naysayers are attaching their own fears of failure to your success. “Subconsciously, their fear lies in the fact that you might actually succeed,” she says. “If you have success facing your fears, then they might get left behind.”

She says most people are conditioned to view their future though a lens of limited beliefs. They are taught to play it safe. They’re taught that failure is bad, so they seek to protect themselves against things that might make them fail.

When people see someone close to them face the possibility of failure and succeed, that turns everything they believed about their own lives upside down. “If everyone else is out there fulfilling their wildest dreams, why am I sitting here in my drab reality?” says Anderson.

So how can you turn off the naysayers and follow your dreams?

ACCEPT THAT CONCERNS ARE MORE ABOUT THEM THAN YOU

Other people’s concerns about your potential for success or failure often have more to do with their realities than your own. They may not understand why you desire something different from what you have, or from what they have. Their fears are articulated in criticism, as they try to steer you toward the path of stability that they are more familiar with.

They may even be critical because they have a dream that they aren’t pursuing, and seeing someone else chase after their dreams reminds them of what they are too afraid to go after themselves. When they see people chasing their own dreams, going against the grain, it frightens them because it goes against the status quo of stability and may also remind them that they aren’t going after their own goals.

Learning to accept that the fears and concerns being spoken about are not really about you, but are about them, can help you to maintain a relationship with the naysayers.

 

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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FIND YOUR TRIBE OF SUPPORTERS

If your support doesn’t come from those close to you, seek out others in your community that will support you. Find a mentor or a group of like-minded individuals who support one another’s endeavors. Surround yourself with people who motivate and encourage you, and who can provide constructive feedback. Start by exploring networking groups with similar goals to yours. By being supportive of others, you’ll find that others become supportive of you. Investing your time and effort in a networking group is important to anyone, but is especially critical for people who don’t already have supportive individuals in their lives to encourage them when times get tough.

MAKE A PLAN FOR SUCCESS

Identify the resources you need to make your dream a reality. This also means recognizing the areas where you may need help. Reach out to individuals who can provide assistance and help you in the areas where you are not strong yet. This is where having a network is hugely beneficial. Moving forward with a new career or a new business when your regular supporters aren’t full of encouragement can be difficult, but if you make a plan and find individuals who can support you in the areas you’re lacking, it will help you get there faster.

BEING A VISIONARY MAKES YOU DIFFERENT

“It takes vision and courage to leap headfirst into actualizing your dreams, and that’s what separates the innovators from the other end of the bell curve,” says Anderson. Take pride in your ability to be a visionary and be okay with others not understanding why you are doing it. Most successful entrepreneurs and innovators think in ways that other people don’t understand.

TURN NEGATIVE OPINIONS INTO POSITIVE OUTCOMES

Changing your reaction to naysayers may mean you need to reinterpret their words. Instead of hearing “I don’t think this will work,” hear, “I’m excited, but also scared for you.” “By changing the narrative to something more productive, you can use this fuel as golden tokens of support that fill your piggy bank towards success,” says Anderson. If proving someone wrong is what motivates you, you may want to post those negative comments in a journal and turn to them when you need a push.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lisa Evans is a freelance writer from Toronto who covers topics related to mental and physical health. She strives to help readers make small changes to their daily habits that have a profound and lasting impact on their productivity and overall job satisfaction

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FastCompany.com | March 26, 2019

#CareerAdvice : #YourCareer – 6 Tricks for Surviving Work and #PersonalAdversity …Sometimes, Life is Difficult. But you Can Still Make it Better.

Maybe your job isn’t great. Or, you hate your apartment. Those coworkers you have are so annoying. Or, you may be dealing with life challenges like illness, job loss, or sudden caretaking responsibilities that are getting in the way of some other things that you want to do.

Into each life, some annoyances, obstacles, and misfortune will fall. And while some self-help gurus will tell you to simply ditch what’s making you unhappy or holding you back, sometimes, it’s not that easy.

“Everybody has those constraints and situations that we don’t want to be in,” says licensed clinical social worker and resilience expert Linda Hoopes, PhD, author of Prosilience: Building Your Resilience for a Turbulent WorldYou don’t want to get stuck there, but sometimes, you’re stuck with them for the time being.”

But there are things that you can do to make many situations better and cultivate greater resilience, even as you look for long-term solutions or resolutions, she says.

1. HONOR YOUR OPPONENT

It’s easy to ruminate about why you’re stuck in a bad situation, but challenges are where we learn, says performance coach Bob Litwin, author of Live the Best Story of Your Life: A World Champion’s Guide to Lasting Change. Litwin works with professionals in high-pressure jobs, such as talent agents and hedge fund managers. And sometimes, having a difficult boss or set of circumstances can be a gift.

“Adversity is the ultimate great teacher,” he says. As an elite tennis player, he says his toughest opponents were the ones who made him better. While the difficult situation may seem “just awful,” sometimes they “bounce you in a better direction and teach you how you’re going to be in that situation,” he says. Simply understanding that you have an opportunity to learn from your challenges can give them some previously unseen value, he says.

 

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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2. BREAK IT DOWN

Many big challenges are really a series of smaller challenges that can seem overwhelming. When you break down the individual components of a situation, they’re easier to address, Hoopes says. For example, a “crappy” job may break down into unpleasant interactions with coworkers and long hours that affect family time. Break down the individual components of what’s making you unhappy, and they’ll be easier to address, she says. Prioritize those that are draining your energy most, she adds.


Related: Why adversity can be the best thing for your career


3. CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN

Even within a bad situation, you can make small changes to improve it and turn it into motivation to make bigger changes, Hoopes says. You can look for opportunities to learn new skills, even in a job you hate. If you’re managing caretaking responsibilities, you might be able to enlist help from others to get some time for yourself. Think creatively about your situation and how you might be able to make small changes to improve it, she says.

In addition, stop beating your head against the wall trying to change things that you can’t, says Paul G. Schempp, PhD, a research professor at the department of kinesiology at the University of Georgia. “We see this with highly successful athletes. Often, people who are less successful focus on things like injuries or ‘The crowd doesn’t like me,’ or ‘I’m not getting enough playing time,’ so they start on this downward spiral, because all they see is the negative things,” he says.

When you start letting go of things over which you have no control and focusing on the things you can improve through small changes, it’s easier to get out of that trap, he says.


Related: How to stay motivated when your company is going through a crisis


4. CHANGE YOUR STORY

When you’re dealing with obstacles or adversity, change the story you’re telling yourself, Litwin says. The way you think about or explain your situation is your story—and most stories have flexibility about them.

“Even if somebody is saying, ‘My situation is much tougher than what you’re saying to me,’ I would say, ‘Okay, well, that’s good, because that story can be flipped too, which is, the tougher I am, the more focused I am at making changes of who I am in order to accomplish what I want.’ We know that plants, when they’re not given that much water, often become stronger because their roots have to work harder to find the water that’s there. That’s a better story about literally plants in dry soil, that they do amazing with very little,” Litwin says. Reframing the issuein this way can make a world of difference in how you view and respond to your circumstances.

A useful tool here is tracking your progress, Schempp says. When you focus on the small changes you’re making to improve things or move away from your challenges, you immediately shift to a place of taking control and making a difference. He refers to a Harvard University study about the “progress principle,” where acknowledging small wins was found to be a powerful motivator.

5. FIND YOUR CALMING PRACTICE

Even as you make changes, it’s important to understand how to calm yourself down when you’re feeling the stress of your challenges, Hoopes says. Whether it’s going for a run, spending some time in your garden, or finding a couple of hours to catch up on a favorite television show, take that time to push your personal “reset” button.

6. DON’T LET OBSTACLES DEFINE YOU

When you’re stuck in a tough time, it can be easy for your self-talk to be dominated by the situation. Remind yourself that your situation doesn’t define you, says counselor and coach Anahid Lisa Derbabian. “Begin to notice critical or discouraging thoughts or words, which can in subtle ways sabotage yourself and keep you stuck. In the moments when you realize that you are doing this, do not blame or shame yourself. Just allow yourself to shift into messaging, which is compassionate and helpful to you,” she says. If possible, ask for help from family or friends to help you recognize these patterns—and also to assist you in making changes or finding the resources you need to do so.

Most of all, use your situation as a source of motivation to make long-term changes that will help you find lasting solutions or ways to adapt to your situation, Hoopes says. “[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][There is] a Buddhist saying, ‘Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.’ Life just has this stuff in it, and it’s just, ‘Okay, here I am in one of those zones. Now what am I going to do?’” she says.

Gwen Moran writes about business, money and assorted other topics for leading publications and websites. She was named a Small Business Influencer Awards Top 100 Champion in 2015, 2014, and 2012 and is the co-author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Business Plans (Alpha, 2010), and several other books.

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FastCompany.com | August 10, 2018

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