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#Leadership : 5 #EmotionallyIntelligent Habits For Handling Work Frustrations…It’s All About What you Do in the Moment–and Don’t Do.

May 4, 2018/in First Sun Blog/by First Sun Team

Unless you lack basic social skills, it’s hard to imagine getting in trouble for expressing positive feelings at work. Sharing enthusiasm and encouragement is usually beneficial to everyone around you. It’s the feelings on the other end of the spectrum that most of us struggle with. We’ve all gotten frustrated or overwhelmed at work.

Maybe someone less qualified gets a promotion you worked hard to earn. Or a coworker takes credit for something you did. The slackers on your team land a major project opportunity, despite the countless hours you spent working on the proposal. Or worse, the idea you submit gets rejected and criticized. These situations will make even the most even-tempered people feel angry, frustrated, disappointed, resentful, and afraid. But it’s not the situations themselves that make or break us, it’s how we respond to them. And that just takes practice. Here are five emotionally intelligent habits that can help you keep your cool.

1. WAIT TO REACT

Obviously, it’s not that easy. We feel before we think. But even a couple seconds’ buffer can make a huge difference. If you can practice giving yourself just a short moment to think about your reaction, you can gain a lot more control over what happens next. We all know people whose angry outburst has cost them their goodwill, promotions, and career opportunities, and have generally held them back in life.

Feeling a strong emotion of any kind should send you a cue: I need a second to think. If you have to remove yourself from a situation temporarily, do it. The crucial first step is simply noticing those negative feelings early enough to decide not to react just yet.

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2. NAME THE FEELING

This is the logical next step. Being able to name how you’re feeling takes away some of the power our most unpleasant emotions have over us. Describing a feeling gives you some distance from it, allowing you more clarity. And chances are you can assign a name to the experience you’re having more quickly than you can choose the right response to it.

3. SHARE HOW YOU FEEL WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN BE OBJECTIVE

The worst thing to do is commiserate with others who hold the same grievances you do–the colleagues who will share in and urge you to hold onto your negativity. Misery loves company. While indulging in it may feel good at the time, it isn’t productive and will keep you stuck in a vicious cycle. The more emotionally intelligent approach is to find someone who’s a great listener and removed enough from the situation to offer an unbiased objective point of view. This is usually someone who has no stake in the circumstances one way or another. When explaining what happened, try to share only the data, not your opinions or feelings.

4. REFLECT ON THE SITUATION LIKE AN OUTSIDE OBSERVER

Try to look at the situation from someone on the outside looking in. Make an honest attempt to try and see things from the perspective of everyone involved. Suspend judgment if you can, and come up with as many possible explanations for what occurred as you can think of–no matter how unlikely they might seem.

This exercise is difficult, but it can help you identify alternative explanations for the situation that’s made you so upset. The tough question is, “What was my part in this–both the positive and the negative?” There may be valuable learnings in this, but at the very least, this habit gives you some time to cool off and redirect your frustration somewhere else.

5. IMAGINE IT’S ONE YEAR LATER

Ask yourself how much this will matter to you one year, five years, or 10 years from now. Consider your long-term goals and plans and think about how this all fits in with where you want to be in the future. Is this really a battle worth fighting, or will it serve you better in the long run to let it go and move on? What will be the likely outcomes of the choices you make from this point on, and how will they help or hinder you?

Feeling upset may seem like something that happens to you–an onrush of negative emotions that you can’t control. But by practicing these techniques, you may begin to see that you still have a choice: You can’t prevent yourself from feeling aggravated, but you can often control what you do about it.

FastCompany.com | May 4, 2018 | BY HARVEY DEUTSCHENDORF 3 MINUTE READ

#Leadership : 21 Signs you’re Mentally Stronger than Average…How Do you Know Where you Fall on the Spectrum? We asked Psychotherapist Amy Morin, the author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.”

September 14, 2016/in First Sun Blog/by First Sun Team

Mental strength takes a long time to develop. It is the daily practice of pushing yourself to grow stronger, maintaining realistic optimism, and setting healthy boundaries.Mentally strong people don’t dothings like waste time feeling sorry for themselves or give away their power to other people.

How do you know where you fall on the spectrum? We asked psychotherapist Amy Morin, the author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.”

Morin shared the following 21 signs you’re mentally stronger than average, which we’ve listed here in her words:

1. You balance emotions with logic

“Mentally strong people understand how their emotions can influence their thinking. In an effort to make the best decisions possible, they balance their emotions with logic.”

2. You choose productive behavior

“While it may be tempting to make excuses, complain about other people, and avoid difficult circumstances, mentally strong people refuse to waste time on unproductive activities.”

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3. You feel confident in your ability to adapt to change

“Mentally strong people know that although change is uncomfortable, it’s tolerable. They focus their energy on adapting to change, rather than resisting it.”

4. You face the fears that hold you back

“While mentally strong people don’t need to conquer fears because they have something to prove to others, they do strive to face the fears that hold them back.”

5. You learn fromyour mistakes

“Mentally strong people don’t hide or excuse their mistakes. Instead, they learn from them.”

6. You balance self-acceptance with self-improvement

“Mentally strong people accept themselves for who they are, while simultaneously recognizing their need for personal development.”

7. You genuinely celebrate other people’s success

“Mentally strong people cooperate — rather than compete — with those around them. They don’t feel as though other people’s success somehow diminishes their own achievements.”

8. You are comfortable living according to your values

“Mentally strong people make decisions with relative ease because they understand their priorities and they live according to their values.”

9. You focus on sharpening your skills, rather than showing them off

“While some people seek validation from others, mentally strong people are less concerned about gaining recognition. Instead, they’re intrinsically motivated to become better.”

10. You live an authentic life

“Mentally strong people are true to themselves. Their words are in line with their behavior.”

11. You view life’s hardships as opportunities for growth

“While hardship causes some people to grow bitter, mentally strong people let adversity make them better.”

12. Your self-worth depends on who you are, not what you achieve

“Mentally strong people feel good about themselves, whether they win or lose.”

13. You practice delayed gratification

“Mentally strong people view their goals as a marathon, not a sprint. They’re willing to tolerate short-term pain when it can provide long-term gain.”

14. You bounce back from failure

“Mentally strong people don’t view failure as the end of the road. Instead, they use their failed attempts as opportunities to gain knowledge that will increase their chances of success in the future.”

15. You’re a realistic optimist

“Mentally strong people are able to look for the silver lining and think on the bright side, but they don’t allow their optimistic tendencies to blind them to reality.”

16. You accept personal responsibility for your choices

“Mentally strong people don’t needlessly beat themselves up, but they do accept complete responsibility for their actions.”

17. You express gratitude

“Rather than exclaim they need more, mentally strong people acknowledge they have more than they need.”

18. You focus on what you can control

“Mentally strong people are effective and productive in life because they devote their resources to the things they can control.”

19. You engage in active problem-solving

“Mentally strong people don’t dwell on the problem — instead, they create solutions.”

20. You’re open to learning more from all that surrounds you

“Mentally strong people are constantly learning from their circumstances and the people they encounter every day.”

21. You work on your weaknesses, rather than masking them

“While many people work hard to disguise their vulnerabilities, mentally strong people invest their energy into improving their shortcomings.”

This is an update of an article originally published by Steven Benna.

Businessinsider.com | September 14, 2016

#Strategy : 4 Steps To Overcome Adversity And Amplify Your Success…When you Consider the Statistic that 60% of Americans are Unhappy With their Occupation, It Becomes Apparent That the Majority of Us are Not Aligned With our Purpose or, Consequently, our Potential.

September 30, 2015/in First Sun Blog/by First Sun Team

“The truth is that customers don’t typically care who you are or what you have to offer unless they can see that there is clear and obvious value being offered in the exchange,” said Brad. “What drives the interaction is an exchange of value. As soon as the customer perceives that the value being offered is greater than the cost, there will be a natural urgency for the exchange.”

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference,” wrote Robert Frost in his famous poem “The Road Not Taken” in 1916. Our team at Fishbowl believes it is a metaphor for accepting accountability for our choices. We can remain optimistic through every breakdown or failure, learn and come back wiser and possibly even grateful for the experience.

“Life is difficult,” wrote Dr. M. Scott Peck in his bestseller The Road Less Traveled published in 1978. “This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult – once we truly understand and accept it – then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”

Frost and Dr. Peck make it clear that life is a journey and challenges are a given. Fast forward to 2015 and to a new generation of thought leaders and we learn that adversity in many experiences can be overcome with knowledge and viewing the situation from a different perspective.

We recently read The Laws of Influence by Brad Harker, a highly respected influence expert. He reminded us a lot of Dr. Peck. We liked his book so much that we connected with him to learn more.

Brad consults with professionals and organizations in the disciplines of sales, entrepreneurship and career development. With his entrepreneurial track record that includes a series of startups and more than a quarter billion dollars in sales, we were anxious to learn more about Brad’s theories on influence and the strategies he has introduced to his clients to help them reach incredible levels of personal and professional achievement.

Brad possesses more ambition, creativity and passion than we’ve seen in most experts. He has a unique ability to help others discover their purpose, amplify their strengths and leverage their potential.

Here are the four highlights from our discussion that helped our team and will hopefully help you overcome challenges and amplify success:

1. Everyone is in sales

Brad views selling as a function of influence. “Rooted in a distinct mindset, selling is in the way we think, act and communicate,” said Brad. “It is habitual. It’s not so much what we do or say, but how we do or say it. We all sell our ideas, beliefs, products or services every single day of our lives. No matter what our job title is, we are all active in the art of influence.”

Through his experience in sales and entrepreneurship, Brad has arrived at five conclusions:

Selling or influencing others is an integral part of our daily experience, no matter what role we play in life.
Our success in any endeavor depends on our ability to influence.
We each have natural abilities that we can cultivate into habits of influence.
By practicing these habits on a consistent basis, we can leverage the power of influence to reach our greatest potential.
Once we have accepted the reality that we are always selling something, we can direct our attention to the most important sale we will ever face – ourselves. Our “pitch” to ourselves is that we each have unlimited potential and a unique capacity to realize our own version of greatness.

2. Align with your purpose

Brad believes that aligning with your purpose is the first step to build influence. He suggests that “each of us possesses unique traits and natural abilities, and our mission is to come into harmony with the gifts and talents that we have been given.”

We learned that Brad, in addition to his speaking and consulting activities, is an Adjunct Professor at Dixie State University. He thrives on the opportunity to help his students gain an awareness of their purpose and leverage their potential.

“Consider how much of your life you have spent acquiring an education,” said Brad. “It requires at least 16 years of school to earn an undergraduate degree! In all of that time spent learning, how much of that was spent on understanding exactly who you are? Education and experience are worthless if you don’t first understand who you are and what drives you.

“When you consider the statistic that 60% of Americans are unhappy with their occupation, it becomes apparent that the majority of us are not aligned with our purpose or, consequently, our potential.”

In the words of Mark Twain, “The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” If you follow our work at Fishbowl, you will know that we believe Twain got it half right. It’s what you do after figuring out the why that really matters, which leads to Brad’s next point…

3. Focus on creating value

Brad recently created an online webinar series called Sales Primer that is designed to simplify the sales process for sales executives, professionals and entrepreneurs. In the first section Brad shares what he calls the exchange model.

The model simplifies the process of exchanging products and services. The model highlights the fact that the true medium of exchange is value, not necessarily money or the product. Brad has found that far too many professionals lead with their title or product, expecting success as a result of who they are or what they think is great about their product.

“The truth is that customers don’t typically care who you are or what you have to offer unless they can see that there is clear and obvious value being offered in the exchange,” said Brad. “What drives the interaction is an exchange of value. As soon as the customer perceives that the value being offered is greater than the cost, there will be a natural urgency for the exchange.”

4. Find success in the midst of adversity

Brad has overcome significant obstacles throughout his career. What is more compelling is how he has been able to harness that adversity to educate and motivate himself towards his goals.

“Mental response to rejection is a major differentiator between average and successful people,” said Brad. “Resilience” is the word he uses when describing the degree of fortitude people are able to show in the face of adversity. You may wonder how much resilience you have. Brad suggests, “It is important to understand that resilience is largely based on perceptions. From our youth, we have formed habits and meanings for the events we experience.”

Here is a relevant example Brad shared with us: consider how you have felt after experiencing a significant challenge, such as being fired from a job, benched during a game or intensely reprimanded.

For most of us, those experiences evoke emotions of discouragement, failure or severe depression. The reason is because we have been conditioned through our experiences to respond that way. “Fears, doubts and worries are perceptions of a reality that exists only in your mind,” Brad explained. He believes that our biggest weakness as humans is what often keeps us safe: our protective mechanisms.

Brad teaches a powerful approach to “reframe failure” that helps his clients embrace and learn from the adversity in their lives instead of shrinking in defeat and losing confidence.

He believes that we have two options in the face of adversity:

1. We can conform to it by allowing fear and insecurity to construct facades and walls that allow us to pretend that we are okay. In this conformity, we deprive ourselves of valuable education and strength.

2. Or we can humbly embrace failure as the great teacher and refining fire that has proliferated great men and women from the dawn of civilization.

We all face challenges in life. Reframe what holds you down into a learning opportunity and your success will be amplified. “We must be willing to fail and to appreciate the truth that often life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived,” said Dr. Peck.

Learn more about Brad and his concepts here.

Additional reporting for this article provided by Mary Michelle Scott, Fishbowl President

Forbes.com | September 29, 2015 | David K. Williams

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