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#CareerAdvice : How to Talk to Anyone from the CEO to the Interns at your #CompanyHolidayParty … Great Read!

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It’s that time of year when parties fill your calendar. Mingling with both people you know very well and those you never speak to, you might be you a little nervous. But little nervousness goes a long way to helping you get ready. Saying the wrong things can be career limiting, just as saying the right things to the right people can be career enhancing.

If you want to make a great impression, think ahead to what you’ll say. When the corks are popping and hors d’oeuvres are being passed around, you’ll have some key messages to deliver. Here’s how you can prepare to be spontaneous in  four conversations you can expect to have at your office holiday party:

WHAT TO SAY TO THE CEO

You might worry most about speaking with your CEO–or with any high-ranking executive. With that in mind, you could decide to give it a pass. But that’s a no-win strategy. Instead, take a deep breath and walk over to that senior executive. Make sure she’s not engaged in a conversation with someone else. If she is, wait, watch, and go for it when the she is free. That itself takes a keen eye.

Extend your hand, and introduce yourself. Don’t say, “I’m Aesha, I work in sales.” That introduction will go nowhere. As you shake hands, be sure to share your full name, and do so with confidence and eye contact. Tell your CEO not where you work but what you contribute. So, if you’re in sales, you might say, “I’m Aesha Patel, and I’ve helped corporate banking have its best year ever.” Or you might state, “I oversee our expanding relationship with NBR Bank.”

Now you’re talking your CEO’s language. Any one in authority will love to hear these positive messages, and will be able to build upon your narrative. If it sounds like boasting to you it will sound like success to your company’s officers.

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HOW TO CONNECT WITH YOUR BOSS

Don’t even think of avoiding your boss, even if you’re shy or don’t particularly care for the person you’re reporting to. This is a great opportunity to strengthen those important ties, and present yourself as a confident person, comfortable in your job. The key is showing your boss you appreciate him.

As you plan for this conversation, think about the one thing you admire, respect, or like about your boss. It could be his ability to inspire his team, or his dedication to the department’s success. You might appreciate that he mentors you and others. You might also respect him because he’s a great dad who manages to balance work and family.

Think ahead and get your message clear in your mind. Here are some possibilities: “I want to thank you believing in all of us on the communications team and being such an excellent mentor.” Or, “You know, one thing I’ve noticed this year is how devoted a dad you are. You’ve shown us by your example how to make the work-life balance successful.”

CHATTING WITH A COLLEAGUE

The fun conversations often are with friends and close colleagues. Networking with them can be full of laughter, sharing confidences, and making plans. But here again you have an opportunity to build relationships. So take full advantage of these encounters.
As you’re thinking about the event, decide which of your colleagues and friends you want to spend time with and what you want to say. In each case, there is an opportunity to take the relationship to the next level.
Here are some angles: If a colleague and you have been working on a project, tell them it’s been a great experience, and suggest what you might do in the next year. Or if you know your colleague is hunting for a job, say you may have someone she can talk to. If you two have young children, share the excitement of having little people during the holidays. Suggest getting the kids together in the New Year. The point is to build the relationship.

APPROACHING A STRANGER

There will no doubt be people at the holiday party that you don’t know. Well, be sure to take time to reach out to a few of them. They might be new employees, clients, spouses, or partners. Make them feel welcome by going up to them and saying, “Hi, I’m Donovan Elliott. Great that you could join us.”
What unfolds is not necessarily a conversation you could have planned, but it will be special because you’ve taken the time to give an outsider a warm welcome.

If it’s a client who’s been invited to the event, tell them, “We love working with your team.” If the person is a new employee, ask how they like their job. Offer to have a lunch with them in the near future to discuss any questions they might have. The important thing is (1) that you have made a point of reaching out and (2) you do a lot of listening. They’ll remember you for those gracious qualities.

Basically, it’s a party, so keep your discussions warm and positive. Avoid contentious topics that can drive things off the rails. And contribute to everyone’s joy (and your own career success!) by preparing what you’ll say, whom you want to talk to, and how you’ll reach out to those you don’t know.

Judith Humphrey is founder of The Humphrey Group, a premier leadership communications firm headquartered in Toronto. She is a communications expert whose business teaches global clients how to communicate as confident, compelling leaders

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FastCompany.com | December 12, 2018

#Leadership : How to Deal When your #Boss Plays Favorites…It’s Human Nature to have Preferences. It’s Unfair and Shouldn’t Happen, But If your Boss Seems to Be Passing you Over in Favor of Someone Else, here’s How you Can Keep your Career from Tanking.

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At work, however, this natural tendency can quickly become toxic if preferential treatments are coming from the boss.

Especially if you’re the one suffering at the expense of favoritism.

In the best case scenario, your boss’s favoritism will pass without negatively impacting your career growth. In a more sinister case scenario, the favoritism continues on far too long and your professional growth suffers. You are kept out of secret meetings and brainstorming sessions. You don’t get assigned projects that can help you grow. You aren’t given credit after working hard on an assignment.

After awhile, the unfair treatment could end up damaging your ability to succeed.

“It’s really important to approach this kind of scenario with integrity and maintain a sense of confidence,” says Donna Sweiden, executive career coach at CareerFolk LLC. “Don’t let it become a chip on your shoulder, even if it might be difficult, but rather continue to engage in the work and this might be tricky because of the constant rejection.”

In order to persevere, below are four ways to handle not being your boss’s favorite:

1. BE STRAIGHTFORWARD ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT

Maybe your boss resonates with your coworker. Maybe there’s something about her that reminds your boss of himself. It doesn’t matter because you can’t do anything about it. What you can control, however, is how you react to it.

One way to deal with this situation is to “deal with the little things instead of the big picture,” says Barbara Pachter, business etiquette expert and author of the book, The Communication Clinic: 99 Proven Cures for the Most Common Business Mistakes. So instead of focusing on the fact that your boss is playing favorites, turn your attention instead on what you want that you aren’t getting. If you want a special assignment, do your homework, go in, and ask for it.

If there’s a career goal you’re trying to reach, tell your boss about it, and then ask advice on how you can get there. The most important thing is to be straightforward. Otherwise, it might not be that your boss is playing favorites, but rather they just don’t know what you want.

“It is possible that the way you’re speaking up, or the way your appear when you’re speaking up can seem wishy-washy,” warns Pachter.

 

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2. GO ABOVE AND BEYOND

You can’t control your boss’s bad behavior, and focusing on it will only eat away at your psyche and defeat you. Instead, focus on improving yourself. Eventually others will notice the good work you’re doing.

Pachter advises putting everything into your work and going above and beyond during this painful period. Get in early and stay late. And if you can stomach it, consider what it is about your boss’s favorite that has earned them special treatment. Is there anything the favorite is doing that you can learn from?

3. ASSERT YOURSELF

If you continue to do good work, you have to trust that eventually others will notice. And they might even notice your boss playing favorites, if the behavior is overt enough. One way to help people notice the good work you’re doing is to advocate for yourself. What are you doing to build your reputation outside of your department? Are you getting involved in projects with others who can vouch for your work? Can you get a mentor who can help support your career growth? Finding different avenues to success may take a bit more time and creative energy when you don’t have a boss who supports you, but eventually, articulating and advocating your values is something you’ll have to consider if you want to get the attention you deserve.

4. MANAGE UP

At some point, if your boss’s preferences are no longer something you can ignore, then it’s time to manage up.

“Obviously you can’t go on this way,” says Sweiden. “You will have to figure out a way to develop some kind of relationship with the manager.”

She adds: “Ultimately, it’s less important that people like you, but building a workable relationship is very critical because when things get difficult, you need that relationship, that foundation, to talk things out.”

However, if you’ve tried building a trusting, cordial relationship with your boss, but they’re just, quite frankly, a jerk, then it might be time you communicate this to them.

Sweiden advises asking for advice in a nonthreatening way, like “How am I doing?” By involving your boss, you’re acknowledging their expertise and also communicating that you’re on the same team. You can also bring up the fact that you’ve noticed the favorite has received X,Y, Z opportunities and you’d like to know how you can also get similar opportunities (assuming you are equal in competence and diligent). Next, be very clear on the opportunities you want.

Whatever you do, always try to separate your emotions from the conversation, especially if the favoritism has gone on for some time and has festered into loathing.

Vivian Giang is a business writer of gender conversations, leadership, entrepreneurship, workplace psychology, and whatever else she finds interesting related to work and play. You can find her on Twitter at @vivian_giang.

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FastCompany.com | October 12, 2018 

#CareerAdvice : This is How you can Disagree with Senior Management and Keep your Job…When it Comes to Presenting your Arguments the Right Way, you First Need to Decide if you’re Disagreeing for the Right Reasons.

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Life is made up of disagreements large and small, with everyone from your spouse, kids, or parents, to strangers on the street. But perhaps one of the most fraught and stressful situations is when you disagree with the person who can decide whether you keep your job.

Gabriel Grant, CEO of Human Partners and author of the book Breaking Through Gridlock: The Power of Conversation in a Polarized World, says disagreements can sometimes feel threatening because they can come off as dismissive to a subject someone holds close.

“When that’s your identity, what you love, and what you value most, there’s presumably a lot on the line,” he says.

When it comes to presenting your arguments the right way, you first need to decide if you’re disagreeing for the right reasons. If there is something important to add to the discussion, and you’re not countering just for the sake of it, then consider the below for the forgotten art of disagreeing in a constructive manner:

1. KNOW WHAT STYLE INFLUENCES THE OTHER PARTY

When it comes to persuasion, a huge factor in success is the planning. And a major part of that planning is understanding how the other party prefers to communicate.

“One of the things about having a boss is you have to know what sort of style influences them,” says Priscilla Claman, career coach and president of Career Strategies, Inc. “There’s a reason why the New York Times, among others, have all these gorgeous charts and graphs. They’re very influential.”

In short, is this person a data-rich person? Or are they more influenced by how their decisions impact others?

 

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2. RECRUIT CREDIBLE SOURCES FOR YOUR CAUSE

If you’re really stuck, and the other party just isn’t hearing you at all, it might be time to widen the circle of people you need to persuade. One strategy is rounding up people who agree with you and make a joint presentation, as the more people behind a cause, the more credible it becomes.

Another strategy is to recruit the help of someone you know the other party trusts. For instance, if you know your boss really trusts a particular executive, try to persuade that person, then ask them to share the information with your boss.

“It’s actually a very good strategy,” Claman says, “but the downside is that if you’re right, you never get the credit for it. But at least you stop the problem from going over the cliff.”

WHEN THE CONVERSATION IS REALLY STUCK

For those really sticky conversations that feel like you’ll never be able to reach an agreement, there’s still a chance you can stay true to yourself, get your message across, and simultaneously strengthen your relationship with the other party.

Grant, who regularly works with social and environmental change leaders, provides two tips for when you’re trying to change someone’s mind, but the conversation is at a gridlock:

1. Focus on results. In challenging conversations, we end up reacting to what Grant calls a gap between the world that we want and the world in which we’re currently living.

In other words, if your superior is really upsetting you, Grant suggests reacting in a way that is consistent with what you want in the future, not with how things are right now. So, if your goal is to have a future where people are cooperative, then being upset or angry–even if those emotions are valid–isn’t going to contribute to the future you want to create.

Case in point: Executive A sends Executive B an email saying that Executive B was angry, judgmental, and dismissive when he should have been cooperative and supportive in their last meeting. However, the email itself isn’t cooperative and supportive, so how can the result ever be cooperative and supportive?

“Who you’re being is wildly more powerful than what’s being said,” says Grant, so before you make your point, make sure you first deal with your own background conversation. Take care of any thoughts, opinions, and judgments you may have, or you won’t be able to have a successful conversation out in the open later on.

“Most of the conversations we have are like the iceberg under the water, and what’s being said is what’s above water,” explains Grant. “And if you think changing what’s being said is going to make the difference, then you’re not actually moving the iceberg, you’re just moving the ice around above the water.”

2. Identify hidden baggage that came before you. Sometimes you aren’t the reason why someone can’t hear you. Sometimes it’s baggage that’s projected onto you because of all the people and experiences the other party encountered before you.

Grant explains: “When I identify as an environmentalist, then all of the baggage, all of the background conversation around environmentalists immediately gets put onto me, so all of sudden I’m working through that, and I don’t even know that I’m working through that because I just met you.”

One of the ways you can get around this is identifying the baggage that came before you and is following you into conversations. You can do this by trying to imagine what the other party might think you stand for, what they might think you’re advocating for, and acknowledge it at the start of the conversation.

THE CONS OF NEVER DISAGREEING

Because disagreeing and conflict trigger the flight mode, and emotional stress is felt throughout the body, it’s natural to want to avoid it. But navigating those tough conversations are needed in our polarized world. It’s needed for diversity of thought and ideas. In organizations, disagreeing defeats groupthink, and that’s why the best teams know how to disagree and encourage it.

On an individual level, the art of disagreeing is needed lest we become a “yes” person to our superiors. And even if your boss isn’t directly telling you so, they want you to disagree when needed and bring something new to the table.

“It doesn’t always mean disagreeing,” Claman says, “but it does mean being prepared to disagree.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Vivian Giang is a business writer of gender conversations, leadership, entrepreneurship, workplace psychology, and whatever else she finds interesting related to work and play. You can find her on Twitter at @vivian_giang.

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FastCompany.com | October 9, 2018 

#Leadership : #Manager -Consider this Before you Become Friends with your #Boss ….Boss-Employee Relationships can be Complicated–Much More So than Between Colleagues Who are at the Same Level.

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Back in the day, I worked full-time for an electronics company where I got to collaborate with fun, creative colleagues and help design some really interesting products. Not only were my coworkers great, but my boss was also a downright wonderful human being with whom I got along really well–so well, in fact, that we started spending time together outside the office.

That generally meant going out to lunch together a few times a week or grabbing the occasional drink after work, and I was good with that. But when I decided to host a barbecue for a bunch of friends one summer, I was torn as to whether I should include my boss on the guest list.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s faced the “befriend the boss or not” dilemma. And frankly, my conflict was understandable. Boss-employee friendships can be complicated, much more so than relationships with workplace peers.

Maybe it was the imbalance of power at play that made me uneasy. Maybe it was my fear that if I angered my boss on a personal level, it would translate into an unpleasant work situation. And that’s why I toyed with that guest list–and the greater issue at hand–for quite some time.

Related: These are 4 types of bosses you’ll have, and how to deal with them 

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TO BEFRIEND YOUR BOSS OR NOT: THAT IS THE QUESTION

Establishing a friendship with a manager certainly has its benefits. For one thing, the closer you grow outside the office, the better your boss is likely to treat you inside the office. That means you might get a bit more slack when it comes to things like pushing back deadlines, leaving early as needed, or working from home. And while your boss will probably claim not to play favorites, the next time a promotion comes up, there’s a good chance your name will make it to the top of the list.

There’s also something to be said for getting to work directly with someone you relate to on a personal level. We spend so much time at the office that having a boss you consider a friend could make for a much more pleasant, fulfilling experience.

Related: The emotionally intelligent way to give feedback to your boss

But then there’s the downside to look at. Being friends with your boss means automatically commingling your work life and personal life. That’s not necessarily a healthy thing. Plus, if a personal conflict does arise, you’ll have to worry about its impact on your career.

Even if things never sour with your boss, your coworkers might come to resent the fact that you and your manager are buddies. And that could strain those relationships and hurt your career in other ways.

So what’s the solution? Mine was to keep our friendship casual. I would continue to join my boss for lunch or happy hour, but for the most part, we only socialized during or immediately after working hours. I also made a point not to share too many details with him about my personal life, and now that I think about it, he was equally guarded.

And frankly, that arrangement worked out well for us. Had I invited my boss to hang out at my home, it would’ve crossed a line I just wasn’t comfortable with, so instead, we maintained what I like to call a low-grade friendship.

Several months later, my manager left the company, and we stayed in touch for a while until he moved away and our communications grew increasingly sporadic. But whenever his name comes up, I think fondly of the time I spent working for him, all the while being grateful that I had the good sense not to add his name to that guest list.

 

FastCompany.com | August 10, 2018 | BY MAURIE BACKMAN—THE MOTLEY FOOL 3 MINUTE READ

#Leadership : #WorkPlace – All your #CoWorkers’ Weird Behavior, Explained…. A Psychologist Breaks Down the Three Factors that Drive most People’s Actions. Understand These, and your Colleagues’ Behavior Won’t Seem so Puzzling.

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Succeeding at work requires understanding other people’s actions and the motivations behind them: Did your colleague intentionally word her email in a way meant to undermine your credibility? Did your client fail to call back because he’s thinking of using another supplier? Did your boss pass you in the hallway without smiling because she’s angry at something you said in your last meeting?

There’s a good chance that, without realizing it, you habitually choose a particular type of explanation for other people’s behavior. And the one you tend to choose matters, because it determines how you react. If you misdiagnose the cause of someone’s actions, you run the risk of doing something that could make a situation worse. To avoid that, it helps to understand the primary factors that drive most people’s actions. Here are the top three worth thinking about anytime you’re puzzling over something a colleague might’ve done or said, and determining how best to respond.

Related: How these 4 different personality types find motivation

1. TRAITS

This is arguably the most common factor people use when thinking about other people’s behavior. A trait is a stable tendency someone displays in their interactions with the world. Many (but not all) of these traits reflect personality characteristics that guide people’s choices and actions. For example, you may assume your colleague said something to undercut your credibility because you know her to be manipulative. This tendency of hers corresponds to the common personality characteristic of Machiavellianism, which reflects the degree to which individuals try to manipulate others for their own gain.

Yet despite how often we use traits to explain others’ behaviors, psychological studies generally suggest that personality characteristics account for only around 20%–30% of differences in individuals’ behavior (and the real world, of course, is even messier than controlled studies). That means you probably need to look beyond traits to understand what other people are doing and why they’re doing it.

Related: These personality tests found things out that only my mom knows

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2. SITUATIONS

Situational circumstances play a big role in what people do and don’t do. So when you’re trying to evaluate what a coworker has done, you also need to think about the context in which they’ve done it. Suppose you left two messages for a client who hasn’t called you back. See if there’s anything you know about that client’s work that might help you figure out what’s going on. You might notice, for instance, that it’s toward the end of their fiscal year, and so they may be dealing with budgets.

Considering the context might sound like an easy or obvious thing to do, but our tendency to interpret events based on personality traits can make situational factors hard to see. To help you out, imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes for a moment: What might be going on around you that would lead you to act as that person did? Even if you can’t diagnose their behavior accurately this way, it may help you avoid assuming that the primary reason for their action was a trait.

3. GOALS

The third big determinant of someone’s actions is their current goals. Most of us overestimate our own impact on people’s behavior. As a result, we assume that we ourselves somehow figure into the explanation for why somebody’s acting in a particular way, when in reality we don’t. It’s much more likely they have some other goal in mind that’s driving what they do.

For example, your boss may have passed you in the hallway without smiling because she’s late for a meeting with a senior executive. She is isn’t angry at you for some prior comment (a situation), and she isn’t generally a cold person (a trait); she’s just mentally preparing for her next meeting (a goal) while on the run. So before jumping to conclusions about someone’s behavior, ask yourself what goals might lead them to act as they did.

As a general strategy, it’s smart to mentally cycle through the traits, situations, and goals that might be motivating your coworkers’ perplexing behavior. The more possibilities you consider, the better prepared you’ll be to respond effectively.

FastCompany.com | 08.01.18 | THE SCIENCE OF WORK

#Leadership : The #EmotionallyIntelligent way to Give #Feedback to your #Boss …Here’s an Approach to Raising Concerns with #Managers that won’t Feel Risky to You or Whiny to Them.

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No matter how much you like your boss or manager, there will always be some things about them (or the system) that you’d like to change. But speaking up about a problem or giving feedback to your superiors can feel awkward, to say the least. You don’t want to risk offending the people who hold your future in their hands.

As it turns out, sharing some constructive criticism with your boss is a lot easier with a little emotional intelligence. Here are a few tips and pointers to help you do it tactfully.

FIRST, SHORE UP YOUR REPUTATION

Different things bother different people, and in differing degrees. If you look at your colleagues, chances are you can distinguish the stoics and the whiners. The stoics come to work without complaint every day, no matter what’s going on. That doesn’t mean they aren’t bothered by things happening around them, they just keep it to themselves. The whiners, however, let everyone know when something bugs them, from small annoyances to major problems. And make no mistake: Your boss knows who those whiners are, too, even if she never passes along their complaints to her own higher-ups.

Obviously, you’ll be most effective at giving upward feedback if you have a reputation for complaining only about the big things that really matter. This way, when you do go to the boss with a problem or request, it will carry more weight; your boss knows it takes a lot to get you to say something. And if you think you might be a whiner, try writing down your complaints in a notebook without talking about them to other people at the office. This way you can still get them out of your head, but in a way that doesn’t risk your reputation.

 

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SCHEDULE A SEPARATE MEETING TO RAISE THE ISSUE

Your boss probably hears fewer complaints than you might think. Most people want to make a positive impression on their superiors. No matter how much they might complain among their own coworkers, few people actually take those complaints upward. (Then they’re puzzled about why things don’t change.) But as long as you’re respectful, chances are you’ll be sharing useful information that your boss might not know about otherwise.

The way you decide to bring it up depends on what you know about your boss, of course. Not every boss is equally amenable to feedback, and those who don’t take criticism well tend to earn reputations as prickly managers. In addition to tuning into these subtleties, you should also try to raise your issue in a meeting where there aren’t other pressing items on the agenda. Better yet, consider scheduling a short one-on-one just for this purpose. That way you won’t be tempted to delay sharing your feedback until the very end of some other meeting, when there won’t be enough time to provide details.

Friends of mine who are therapists have told me that clients often bring up the most important thing in the last couple minutes of a session. It can take people a long time to work up the courage to say what they really want to. By scheduling a quick meeting just to talk about your concern, you can’t hide it in the middle of lots of other information.

BE AS SPECIFIC AS POSSIBLE

If you’re going to point out something that you think needs to change, talk about the problem as specifically as you can. If the issue has to do with a certain incident or event, focus on exactly what happened and who was involved. Stick to the facts, including how the event affected you–both your reaction and any consequences on your ability to get your work done–but avoid speculating about others’ motives or intentions.

The reason to be specific is that the alternative is you trying to diagnose what went wrong–which you shouldn’t do. There are two problems with stating why you think the problem arose rather than simply what it consists of: First, you likely have only partial knowledge about why things are done the way they are around the office. As a result, you may be missing key parts of the context when you give your explanation The more emotionally intelligent approach is simply to leave room for your boss’s judgment and perspective in determining the underlying causes of whatever issue you’re raising.

Second, some of your diagnoses rely on assumptions about what drives other people’s behaviors. There’s no surer way to get someone on the defensive than to ascribe a motive that they don’t recognize in themselves.

Take these three tips to heart and chances are you’ll stop feeling so anxious about raising important concerns with your boss–who might even start to rely on your helpful feedback, and even intentionally solicit it.

 

FastCompany.com | July 10, 2018

Your #Career : You Need To Talk To Your Company’s #CEO —Here’s Why And What To Say… #SeniorExecs Don’t Need to Know you By Name, But they Should at Least Have a General Sense of your Existence & Function in the Organization.

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Soon after I got my first faculty job, I was sitting with a friend of mine–another psychologist–who’d recently been hired for her first job at another university. She said to me, “Our next task is to become independent nodes in people’s conceptual networks.” That was psychology speak for, “Now we need to make sure people know who we are.”

She was right. The reasons why it’s so important for people to know you who you are are all really simple but can be easy to miss: They can’t give you credit for anything you do if they don’t know what you do. They can’t think of you for new assignments if they don’t know you exist. They can’t plan for a future that involves you specifically if they can’t remember your past contributions.

In other words, you need to introduce yourself to some of the top people in your organization–or at least to people higher up than you and your immediate supervisor. Yes, these are people you don’t directly work with, and that’s precisely the point. Here’s how to strike up such a conversation, and what to say when you do.

Related: What To Say When You’re Stuck In The Elevator With Your Boss’s Boss

LOOK FOR AN OPENING, NOT AN APPOINTMENT

You goal should be to keep it pretty informal, so don’t schedule a time to meet. There may be public events at the company that give you an opportunity to meet top-level leaders. I frequently give talks at small and mid-size companies that senior leaders attend, and there’s usually social time before and after internal events like these for other employees to introduce themselves. Yet I’m always surprised how few people make the effort just to say hi. Don’t let a chance like that go to waste.

Good leaders try to make themselves visible around the office. They might even just walk around on occasion intending to meet people. Or they’ll jump into meetings to listen in on what’s happening. In situations like these, it may feel uncomfortable to go up to the CEO or some other exec and start chatting. You might feel like you’re brown nosing. But leaders probably won’t see it that way at all–it’s what they’re hoping you’ll do. Chances are you’ll be seen as taking some initiative rather than currying favor.

If you’re worried about sticking your neck out, ask your boss for help. Good supervisors also want to be able to show off their team members. After all, part of what makes someone a good manager is how well they mentor new talent. So they’ll want their bosses to know they’re developing the people who work for them. If you have a supportive supervisor, see if there’s a chance to get an introduction to more senior leaders.

Related: Your Guide To Communicating With Upper Management

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WHAT TO SAY

The aim of having an introductory conversation with one of your company’s bigwigs is just to say hello, let the person know what division you work in, and share your excitement about what you do. That’s it.

If you get to have a longer conversation, so much the better, though you should probably just prepare a 30-second description of the most important project you’re working on. If you’re nervous, you might even want to practice delivering that short description to your wall or to a friend a few times to make sure it really is short and clear.

Even if the exec you say hello to doesn’t remember your name later on, they’ll be more likely to recognize you the next time they see you. Plus, your name will at least sound familiar if it’s mentioned again in context. That familiarity will carry some positive feeling along with it. Becoming an “independent node in people’s conceptual networks” isn’t as complicated as it sounds–and it barely takes a minute.

 

FastCompany.com | April 26, 2018 | BY ART MARKMAN 3 MINUTE READ

#Leadership : #OlderWorkers – Everyone In My Office Is 30 Years Younger Than Me… As SYPartners’ Senior Adviser & Entrepreneur-in-Residence, Sherri Leopard, 62, is Often the Oldest Person in the Room, and she Explains Why That’s a Plus.

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Sherri Leopard has experienced being unique many times in her career. During her early professional life as a marketing consultant in technology, Leopard found herself in projects where she would be the only female member, as well as the youngest.

Having grown up in a lower-middle-class household, she also found herself at odds with many of her privileged friends who graduated from elite colleges. Yet she persevered and thrived, building and running a marketing consultancy with blue-chip clients such as IBM, SAP, Siemens, and Motorola. In 2006, she sold her consultancy, Leopard, to advertising giant WPP. Leopard became a wholly-owned subsidiary of Ogilvy & Mather.

Sherri Leopard [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][Photo: courtesy of SYPartners]

Many years later, as a senior adviser and entrepreneur-in-residence for SYPartners, Leopard would find herself–once again–as the unique person in the room.  But this time, it would be as the oldest person in an office full of twenty- and thirtysomethings. Leopard recently chatted to Fast Company about how working with younger employees has helped shaped her way of thinking, and the misconceptions about older workers that she wishes everyone would drop. Here’s her experience in her own words, edited for length and clarity.

WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE DECADES OLDER THAN ALL YOUR COWORKERS

All of the people that I work with on a day-to-day basis are 20 to 30 years younger than me. The company is young, young, young, and many of them come from prestigious schools. Me? I went to Metropolitan State University in Denver. I came from a lower-middle-class upbringing–and I think part of the way that manifests in me is being really practical. Everyone else would have these debates about really minute things, and I tend to be super impatient and cut to the chase. Of course, I’ve had to learn to do it in a way that doesn’t stifle people’s creativity.

To be honest, I don’t think people tend to focus on the fact that I’m older. There is a designer on my team who is 24 years old, and the other day he told me, I think of you as a mentor, but you’re not someone who just gives me advice, because you’ve done all these things. We get in and figure out stuff together and when we’re solving a problem. We’re solving it as equals.

Related:I Was The Only Woman In My Company For Two Long Years 

ON LEARNING FROM YOUNGER WORKERS

As a former CEO who happens to be the oldest person in the office, over my three years at SYPartners, I’ve really struggled with not being right and the need to be right. It took a while for me to be comfortable with learning from the young people who challenge me. That’s been a journey. In one of my earliest projects, that was really hard. I was on a team that just saw things so differently.

The perspective shift came during my work with BlackRock–who we’ve been working with on their diversity and inclusion initiatives. Something finally jelled in my brain, and now it’s much easier to be in situations where people are challenging my thinking. Had I learned that earlier in my career, I would have been a much better CEO. I’ve realized that we need those differences in the workplace to solve the sorts of complex problems we’re presented with today.

Of course, there will always be a generational gap. When I hear about young women discussing salaries, I think, in my generation, people didn’t talk about what they got paid. But I think that young people are a lot smarter because that transparency is going to pay off.

Another obvious generational gap is my aversion to social media. I feel like young people around me try to pull me into that world and occasionally I’ll go, okay, I get it, I get why I need to do it. But I’ve had times where I’ve gone through six rounds of writing a Medium post and I can never bring myself to post it. The younger people will be telling me, “Just do it, and you’ll get more comfortable.” But I still can’t do it.

Related:Good American’s CEO On Being The Only Black Woman In The Room: “I Don’t Notice”

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ON THE IMPORTANCE OF ENDURANCE

I think that my stamina is an advantage I have, as an older worker. When I was doing marketing and communications work, I did a lot of speech writing. I’d have clients call me very last minute, often very early in the morning. I remembered watching my then client, a senior VP at IBM, outwork me even though he was probably 20 years older. At that time I realized, oh my gosh, the game here is actually endurance. I realized then how important it is to be physically strong, eat healthy, exercise, and just be really mindful about my health. I think that investment I’ve been making for years in my health is really paying off. Today, young people in my team will go, geez, you’re the Energizer bunny!

Related:Why You Should Recruit Older Workers 

ON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT BEING AN OLDER WORKER

I feel like there’s this misconception that older people just can’t keep up, whether that’s keeping up with anything in the world, or physically. Well, I’m just going to prove in my little circle of the world that we can keep up. I do think that to succeed at this age, you need to have a growth mind-set. There are so many people my age who believe that the world is prejudiced against them. I deeply believe that there’s an experience in all of us that can be reshaped and reapplied in a new way. The question is, do you choose to reinvent yourself?

FastCompany.com | April 16, 2018 | BY ANISA PURBASARI HORTON 4 MINUTE READ

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#Leadership : How To Turn #Conflict Into A #Communication Tool…Many People Try to Avoid #Conflicts at #Work . But if you Know the Right Way to Lodge an Objection, It can Actually Smooth the Way for Better Communication.

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Last year, I was working with leaders who had recently joined an Israeli company. One of them said to me, “Anett, I used to work for a Midwestern company, and now I’m working for a company that yells and pounds the table in meetings–you can even hear it on the phone! What do I do?”

“Well, what happens after those meetings?” I asked. “They all go out for coffee!” she told me.

This is a texbook example of constructive conflict. Yes, it might have been emotionally charged and intense, but everyone respected each other enough to be friendly afterward. You might feel that it’s hard to see conflict as anything but a barrier to communication, but if you use it the right way, it can be an effective tool.

Here are some tips on how to do just that.

ATTACK THE IDEA, NOT THE PERSON

Intense conflicts can be civil. The key is not to let it get personal–which means making sure that you direct any criticism toward ideas, not people. Many of us know to avoid telling someone, “I don’t think you’ve done your research on this issue” or, “How could you possibly come to that conclusion?!” since these clearly sound like an attack on the person. But finding alternative phrasing isn’t always easy. When in doubt, delete any second-person (“your”/”your”) phrases from your vocabulary, and start with “I” phrase that zeroes in on the underlying concept. For example, “I struggle with that conclusion.” Now you can center the discussion around the conclusion itself–not the person who proposed it.

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Related:Want More Creative Employees? Create Some Conflict 

BE ESPECIALLY CAREFUL WITH YOUR TONE

Sometimes what you say doesn’t matter as much as how you say it. And when you’re sharing a critique, you have to be especially mindful of your tone. My client’s colleagues might have participated in loud conversations–but those discussions weren’t overly emotional, sarcastic, or condescending. Tone isn’t about the volume of your voice; you can still be calm and collected while verbally putting someone down. As Fast Company’s Lydia Dishman previously reported, passive-aggression comes in many forms. For example, you might start off by using logic to point out the flaws in your coworker’s point–but if you end by saying something like, “You don’t mind, do you?” your coworker might read your tone as patronizing.

Related: Here’s What Being Too Nice At Work Is Costing Your Company

DON’T FLOUT CULTURAL NORMS

Some companies are more comfortable with conflict than others, and every company will have its own “rules” about what’s acceptable and what’s not. Those rules might not be written anywhere, but if you look at how your organization has dealt with conflict in the past, you can usually get a sense of how its culture operates. Some workplaces are comfortable with constructive conflict as long as it stays behind closed doors, and employees and senior leadership show a united front in public. Others embrace displaying their conflict openly. So stay attuned to corporate culture as well as societal norms. As my client found, the way his Midwestern colleagues operated was pretty different than the approach his Israeli associates took. Neither was necessarily “better” or “worse” than the other, but in order to have productive disagreements, he needed to adapt to those teams’ respective cultures.

FOCUS ON MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS (EVEN IF IT MEANS BITING YOUR TONGUE)

Remember, just because you disagree with someone’s idea, you still need to show that you value their input. This might require extra effort on your part–like being selective about when to voice your criticism. If you argue too frequently, others may find it hard to believe you’re doing so in good faith. If, on the other hand, you share your disagreement a little more strategically, you’re more likely to strengthen your relationships–and improve the odds that your criticism will actually register, without hurting feelings.

Related: How I’ve Learned To Stop Arrogance From Silently Hurting My Career

CALCULATE THE OPPORTUNITY COST

On the other hand, if you’re on the fence about whether to raise an objection, consider the possible downsides to not engaging in constructive conflict. What potential consequences will staying silent bring? Depending on your company culture, you may be viewed as lacking conviction in your ideas if you seem afraid to stand up for them. In that case, not speaking up could actually backfire. Not to mention, if you don’t voice your disagreement early on, you might be setting yourself up for a bigger explosion later by keeping your thoughts bottled up.

Needless to say, no two situations will be the same. If you’re unsure of how direct you should be–start by listening and observing. You can learn a lot just by paying attention to people’s body language and how they respond. When it comes to constructive conflict, context is everything. But whatever you do, just don’t let it get personal.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Anett Grant is the CEO of Executive Speaking, Inc. and the author of the new e-book,CEO Speaking: The 6-Minute Guide. Since 1979, Executive Speaking has pioneered breakthrough approaches to helping leaders from all over the world–including leaders from 61 of the Fortune 100 companies–develop leadership presence, communicate complexity, and speak with precision and power.

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FastCompany.com| April 14, 2018 | Anett Grant

 

Your #Career : What To Do When A #Coworker Has It In For You…Whether They Just Don’t Like You or They’re Engaging in Sabotage, you Need to Deal with a Difficult CoWorker. Here’s How to Prepare for a Resolution.

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A surprising number of people just don’t get along at the office. Surprised?

Recent research by The Creative Group found that nearly one-third of executives surveyed have had someone try to make them look bad on the job. This type of behavior can range from pointing out someone’s mistake to copying a coworker’s manager on an email criticizing a project the person worked on. In fact, April has actually been declared Workplace Conflict Awareness Month.

Sometimes, workplace relationships can be complex and confusing. Personality types combined with competitiveness and the desire to protect “territory,” in the professional sense of the word, can combine and create strange behavior. But what do you do when you encounter a coworker who just seems to have it in for you?

“It happens more often than you think,” says New York City-based executive coach Shefali Raina. And the negative behavior may range from simply being adversarial to full-on sabotage. To counter such a difficult coworker requires a combination of strategy and skill.

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FACT-CHECK THE SITUATION

The first step, Raina says, is to try to keep your emotions in check—and fact-check the situation. Having conflict with a coworker, especially if you feel you’re being treated unfairly, can be upsetting. But if you make assumptions about a situation or get angry over a miscommunication, you’re going to exacerbate the situation, she says.

“Ensure that your perception that the coworker dislikes you or is sabotaging you is factual and not imagined by you. Our brains have an incredible ability to create stories and connect the dots based on inadequate facts, so it is equally possible that the truth is something else and we are taking it too personally,” she says. Look at the facts objectively so you take the best next steps.

SHARE THEIR PERSPECTIVE

Sometimes, you can understand another person better if you put yourself in their shoes, says Diane Domeyer, executive director of Menlo Park, California-based The Creative Group, a division of Robert Half International. “Some professionals, especially those in competitive fields, may feel pressure to set themselves apart from their peers to get ahead. Putting others down or taking credit for a teammate’s work may make them think they’ll be seen in a better light,” she says.

Consider your teammate’s motivation with empathy. Are you a newcomer who might be a threat? Did you recently get a promotion the individual wanted? Think about why the coworker may be acting like an adversary.

DON’T RETALIATE

Getting into a tit-for-tat with your coworker isn’t going to do anyone any good. Avoid responding in the heat of the moment, Domeyer says. Wait until you are calm to start a discussion and always speak with an even, polite tone so the situation doesn’t escalate.

MAKE THE CALL

What happens next depends on where you land after you’ve gathered facts and objectively evaluated them. Domeyer says that TCG’s research found that 41% of respondents thought it was best to confront the individual directly, while 40% thought it was best to engage a supervisor.

What you should do really depends on whether you’re dealing with someone who dislikes or is threatened by you versus someone who is actively trying to undermine you or derail your career, Raina says. If the former, it may be a good idea to handle the situation on your own. If the latter—or if you’ve tried to confront the individual and it didn’t work or made the behavior worse—then you may need to engage your supervisor. However, if you can show that you tried to fix the issue on your own, that may show your boss that you made the effort to solve the problem first.

ENGAGE IN RESPECTFUL CONFRONTATION

If you’re dealing with garden-variety jealousy or pettiness, engaging in “respectful confrontation” is usually the way to go, says human resources consultant Cornelia Gamlem, president of The GEMS Group, Ltd. in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and coauthor of The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook. When you’re sure you’re calm enough to not let the situation get heated, choose a time when you can have a private conversation with the individual who seems to be causing the problem. Using non-threatening language, state your concern over the tension or behavior the person is exhibiting. Remain respectful and continue to frame the conversation in terms of what you need or is causing concern, she says.

“It’s kind of hard to keep punching back if somebody’s sitting there saying, ‘Okay, I hear what you’re saying, but let’s take the time to really talk about what’s at the root of the problem,’” she says. Sometimes, people just want to be heard. Such respectful confrontation can help you both get to the heart of what’s bothering you.

BRING IN REINFORCEMENTS

If the situation has the potential to be career damaging, document as much as you can and get help. “If there has been real sabotage, for example, you lost an opportunity or someone damaged your work or your reputation, confront it fearlessly and non-emotionally. In my experience, a coworker with a sabotage mind-set will not stop the sabotage if they feel they will get away with it,” Raina says. Bringing in a supervisor or HR person elevates the situation and can help you resolve it quicker.

Sometimes, you’ll need to accept that some people just won’t like you. But when a difference in personalities or styles becomes adversarial, career  damaging, or prevents you from getting your work done, taking quick, decisive action is critical to mitigating potential damage.

FastCompany.com | April 11, 2018 | Gwen Moran