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#Leadership : 3 Ways Managers Can Empower #TeamMembers With #MentalHealth Struggles… My views on #MentalHealth went Viral in a Tweet Last Summer – and Revealed just How Taboo the Topic is, Especially in the #Workplace .

The stigma of mental illness never made much sense to Ben Congleton, CEO of live-chat software maker Olark.

He’d grown up with kids whose lives improved after they received treatment for their illnesses. He knows one in five U.S. adults experiences mental illness in a given year. He’s always understood mental health is as important as physical health.

So he was shocked when his views on mental health went viral in a tweet last summer – and revealed just how taboo the topic is, especially in the workplace.

Last June, Olark staffer Madalyn Parker emailed her team to let them know she was “taking today and tomorrow to focus on my mental health.” Congleton replied to Parker privately, thanking her for not only taking the days but for being open about it: “You are an example to us all, and help cut through the stigma so we can all bring our whole selves to work.”

Parker tweeted the exchange with Congleton’s permission, and it garnered tens of thousands of retweets, likes, and responses.

“Madalyn and I received lots of notes of support, but what surprised and saddened me was how many people commented that this is rare,” Congleton says. “So many people told me they would fear judgment, or even that they would be fired. It was an eye-opener for me about this broad societal challenge that we all need to overcome.” Congleton published a brief note on Medium in response to the attention, encouraging employers to express gratitude to their teams and reflect on their organizations’ values.

Below, he shares with Glassdoor the three steps managers can take to engender a culture of openness, promote mental health, and support team members.

“I wish there were some magic words to say, but it doesn’t happen overnight,” Congleton says. “It’s about consciously and constantly creating an environment of trust, which takes work – but it’s worth it in so many ways.”

Prioritizing trust, gratitude, and caring about a staffer’s whole self is not a one-and-done endeavor,” he says. “We’re talking about changing work culture and ingrained societal stigma. That progress happens only with more dialogue and more action.”

Olark’s structure is one that inherently requires trust and flexibility; managers can’t hover over desks because the team is fully remote, with staffers across three continents. So if staffers hit the gym for two hours in the middle of the day and get their work done in the evening, that’s just fine by Olark management.

Congleton understands that flex scheduling – or other Olark perks like unlimited vacation – may not be possible for every organization or every position, establishing values of underlying trust is what’s key. “You can focus on output and outcomes, measuring not the employee’s exact hours but their impact on the business,” he explains.

When your team feels that they’re being judged for their work and appreciated for a job well done, “incredible things happen,” Congleton says. “Once you have that strong cultural framework in place, people feel trusted and supported so they’re willing to be open.” That’s why Olark’s frank discussions about mental health challenges happened “without being super deliberate,” as Congleton puts it. As it has been revealed by our research company, it should be noted that Levitra does not have any effect on the quality of sperm, and therefore does not affect the fertilization of the egg. All this must be taken into account. It is especially so if you want to have children, and you do not get them. You should not have high hopes for Levitra, because its main task is to strengthen male strength, but not to affect the productivity of sperm. It is better to consult a doctor so that he prescribes the most effective medicines for it.

As an added bonus, Congleton finds the culture of trust breeds higher performance. “People are more willing to take risks and to stretch themselves, and we’ve found they perform even better for you. When people are happier, their lives are better and their work reflects it. It’s a win-win that just makes sense.”

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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Model the openness you want to see in your staffers.

As a leader, you set the tone for acceptable and expected behavior — so if you want your team to feel free to share, open up a bit yourself. That doesn’t mean you need to dish about every detail of your personal life. A friend of Congleton’s, for example, “started every management meeting with a little game: ‘If you really knew me you would know…’ and he’d talk about something going on with him that was new, or something hanging over his head. Childcare got messed up, traffic was frustrating, whatever. And then they’d go around the room.”

The game inspired Congleton for two key reasons: “It normalizes that behavior of sharing what you’re bringing to the job in that moment, which is huge. And it’s done in a tactical way: You’re not putting someone on the spot, just allowing them to open up just a little bit in a manner that makes them feel comfortable.”

Modeling behavior extends to self-care, too. “Depending on the culture in an organization, people might be concerned that taking a few days off — even after a super-busy time – is implied weakness,” Congleton explains. “That’s a great opportunity to demonstrate it as a leader: ‘Hey, team, that last sprint took it all out of me. I’m going to take an extra day to reflect and recharge, and I recommend you do too.’ That speaks volumes.”

Proactively share resources, and seek expert help when needed.

Just like physical health, mental health is complex. Avail yourself of resources like Congleton’s favorite: Open Sourcing Mental Illness, which focuses on changing stigma within the tech community but offers guidelines and research that are applicable across sectors. If you find a great article extolling the benefits of taking a mental health day, fully unplugging while on vacation, etc., email it to your team with a quick note about why you think it’s important.

And if a staffer is going through mental health issues, tap internal resources like HR for assistance. “Serious mental health challenges are serious health challenges, period,” Congleton notes. “Your typical manager is not going to be an expert in mental health, and that’s OK.”

These three steps aren’t necessarily linear, and they can’t be treated like a simple checklist, Congleton explains.

“Prioritizing trust, gratitude, and caring about a staffer’s whole self is not a one-and-done endeavor,” he says. “We’re talking about changing work culture and ingrained societal stigma. That progress happens only with more dialogue and more action.”

 

GlassDoor.com |  |

#Leadership : My Mom With Alzheimer’s Needed Me. My Business Did, Too…Unexpected and Unasked-for Lessons in #Caregiving –In Work, Life, and Death.

When my mother was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, in 2014, she was 86 and already at a late stage of her disease. I was hard at work running my brand marketing agency, and knew I’d need to scale things back in order to care for her. I trimmed my client list and planned for the company’s finances to tighten. But I could never have fully readied myself for the experience ahead.

Anyone who’s cared for a loved one with Alzheimer’s knows all too well the pain, frustration, and suffering experienced by both patient and caregiver. Many of us must also hold down a job or keep a business running while managing doctors, home health workers, finances, legal documents, prescriptions, food shopping, equipment rentals and, of course, just spending time with your ailing relative. Then there are the minor details of your own personal life, which can instantly fall to the bottom of your never-ending to-do list.

It was much later that I noticed there was something else–unexpected and unasked-for–to be gained from the devastating experience of watching my mother disappear into someone else: I’d learned several lessons in caregiving that have profoundly changed how I live and work ever since.

ALWAYS STOP TO ASK, “HOW IMPORTANT IS THIS?”

At the beginning of my mother’s decline, I tended to correct every erroneous statement she made:

“I didn’t have any lunch.”

“Yes you did, Mom. You ate 20 minutes ago.”

I would battle it out over and over, as she asserted and I counter-asserted. I finally learned to say nothing, or just “Okay, we’ll give you lunch in 15 minutes”–which she would promptly forget.

This experience was painful, but I think of it often these days, as a reminder to choose my battles. You can’t fight every available fight. It’s more important to save the heavy protesting for misguided thinking that can have a real negative impact. Just winning an argument doesn’t win you much.

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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FLEXIBILITY IS THE BEST TIME-MANAGEMENT STRATEGY

The best-laid plans for completing long to-do lists often go awry, especially when there’s an emergency–whether it’s when a parent has an accident that requires a hospital visit, or a public-relations calamity with a client. I had a high-profile restaurant client who received the occasional bomb threat. Try prioritizing just three must-do tasks per day when you’re dealing with that. Everything I accomplished beyond that felt like a huge achievement, and I learned not to berate myself for failing to get to non-urgent tasks.

FORGIVE YOURSELF

If you make a mistake–and you absolutely will, in business or in caregiving–own up to it and move on. Toward the end of her life, I accidentally gave my mother an extra dose of morphine; she slept for 24 hours straight. Assuming it occurred despite your best intentions, self-forgiveness rather than self-condemnation is the way forward. Mistakes are just about inevitable when you’re emotionally drained and stretched thin. We’re all human, and we do better work when we’re feeling confident and good about ourselves in the face of challenges–rather than beating ourselves up over them.

TAKE TIME OFF

Pride in a relentless work schedule and no vacation is short-sighted and just plain stupid. Caring for my mother, I felt at first that time off was a luxury I just shouldn’t afford, but I soon realized I needed it in order to care for her. It’s a crucial lifeline for staying sane and recharging, which carries into your work life in the form of refreshed perspectives and space for new ideas and strategy tweaks.

That’s all the more true now that digital tools make it possible to be available virtually 24/7; time off should still always mean actually going offline. Whether it’s to do your best work and remind your boss that you’re essential or to endure the stresses of caregiving, you’ll need to unplug every now and then.

REMEMBER THAT IT WON’T ALWAYS BE THIS WAY

As a caregiver, there will be times when you simply want to give up, or cry, or throw something. When you just want to run away and make someone else do it. Likewise with difficult clients or projects. Tomorrow is a new day, and there will be other goals to meet, small victories, or moments of emotional connection or clarity you couldn’t have anticipated–with an Alzheimer’s patient or with a client.

But perhaps the biggest lesson I learned after saying goodbye to my mother and returning, steadily, to my business was this: This is your life, wherever you are, and it’s going by. So stop and step back for a moment. Take a breath. Then take one step forward. Life goes on.


Val Brown is the CEO of Val Brown Group, a brand strategy, marketing, and licensing consultancy working with retail, restaurant, music, entertainment, lifestyle, and nonprofit clients.

 

Fast Company.com | May 1, 2018 | BY VAL BROWN 3 MINUTE READ

Your #Career : To Help #WomenAdvance, Their Trailing Spouses Get #JobHunting Aid…More #Employers Ease #Relocation for #FemaleManagers by Offering to Help in Husbands’ Search for #Work .

Behind many managerial women stands a trailing husband. He pulls up stakes and relocates when his partner gets a better role in a different locale.

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John Van Lonkhuyzen has moved three times since 1995 so histhen-fiancée and now wife, Nicola Morris, could move up in her career. The couple now lives in Yarmouth, Maine. PHOTO: YOON S. BYUN FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

John Van Lonkhuyzen has done this three times since 1995—the year after he and Nicola Morris got engaged. As his wife advanced in her career, the veteran lawyer moved to Washington, D.C., Westfield, N.J., and recently, Yarmouth, Maine. Their latest relocation was the first time Ms. Morris’s employer offered to help him job hunt.

More female executives are moving ahead in their careers through geographic moves. And, increasingly, their employers lend a hand so their husbands can find work.

On average, women accounted for a record 23% of moves by North American employers in 2016up from 17% in 2009, according to surveys of employers by Atlas Van Lines Inc. About 62% of employers provided job-hunting aid for spouses or partners of transferred staffers in 2017, compared with 33% in 2007, Atlas data shows.

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“Companies consider such help a critical aspect of getting more women into leadership,” says Lauren Herring, chief executive of Impact Group, a career and leadership development firm with job-hunting services for relocated spouses and partners.

Ms. Morris left an executive role with Verizon Communications Inc. in New Jersey to become a senior vice president of WEX Inc. in South Portland, Maine. While recruiting Ms. Morris, Chief Executive Melissa Smith offered to introduce Mr. Van Lonkhuyzen to law firms near the corporate-payments-services company.

Ms. Smith says she wanted to show she cared about supporting “both partners in their careers when they make a move.”

Mr. Van Lonkhuyzen, a former lawyer for the U.S. Justice Department, didn’t need the proposed introductions. He landed a partnership with Verrill Dana LLP, a Portland law firm, at the same time his wife joined WEX in 2014.

American Express Co. has helped mates of relocated staffers look for work since 2012. With women now nearly half of its transferees, many men accompanying them use these career services, says a spokeswoman.

AmEx’s global program, expanded in 2016, now includes career coaches, job leads, résumé writing, office space and advice about negotiating job offers or starting a business. Most participating spouses and domestic partners find positions, the company says.

But international relocation can create challenges for trailing husbands. The most common reason for a rejected foreign assignment is a partner’s unwillingness to move due to his or her career. That is especially true for potential female transferees, concludes a new study by Ernst & Young LLP and NetExpat Inc., a coaching and training firm.

Six years ago, AmEx gave middle manager Corrina Davison a chance to leave her native Australia for a New York executive role. “It was our dream to work overseas,” she remembers.

 Her husband, Duncan Davison, an Australian student-teacher supervisor, says he hoped to launch a U.S. version of his Sydney University pilot project that helped elite teen swimmers handle competitive setbacks.

The executive trainer at an acculturation workshop for AmEx accompanying partners introduced Mr. Davison to a possible investor for his athlete project, though Mr. Davison dropped the idea after the United Nations International School hired him to teach physical education part-time. He soon advanced to director of athletics. He says he would move again for his wife’s career because he believes he has become more employable globally.

Other men fear relocating for their wives will disrupt their career trajectories. Consider Joshua Kim, whose wife, Julie, is an oncologist and associate professor at Dartmouth’s medical school in Hanover, N.H.

He faced the difficult decision of quitting a job he loved in 2006—he helped launch and run Quinnipiac University’s online education unit—so she could take the Dartmouth post. He had followed her twice before.

“Why do I have to be a trailing spouse a third time?” he recalls asking his wife.

Dr. Kim consulted for two years before joining Dartmouth’s learning center and becoming head of digital learning initiatives there in 2014. “That kind of patience for a career move is a challenge,” he says. “As a trailing husband, you have to be more creative and inventive.”

Ms. Morris and Mr. Van Lonkhuyzen struggled with the same issue after her Verizon promotion brought them to New Jersey from Washington in 2007. He fruitlessly sought jobs in corporate legal departments and government before getting a temporary Justice Department gig in Newark. Mr. Van Lonkhuyzen obtained a permanent New York DOJ spot in 2009.

That relocation “was hard for us,” Ms. Morris says. But WEX “was a great fit for what I was looking for,” she says, especially since both she and her husband grew up in Maine.

Write to Joann S. Lublin at joann.lublin@wsj.com

Appeared in the March 8, 2018, print edition as ‘Women Get Career Help, for Husbands.’

                                                         WSJ.com | Joann S. Lublin at joann.lublin@wsj.com

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