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#Leadership : #WorkPlace – All your #CoWorkers’ Weird Behavior, Explained…. A Psychologist Breaks Down the Three Factors that Drive most People’s Actions. Understand These, and your Colleagues’ Behavior Won’t Seem so Puzzling.

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Succeeding at work requires understanding other people’s actions and the motivations behind them: Did your colleague intentionally word her email in a way meant to undermine your credibility? Did your client fail to call back because he’s thinking of using another supplier? Did your boss pass you in the hallway without smiling because she’s angry at something you said in your last meeting?

There’s a good chance that, without realizing it, you habitually choose a particular type of explanation for other people’s behavior. And the one you tend to choose matters, because it determines how you react. If you misdiagnose the cause of someone’s actions, you run the risk of doing something that could make a situation worse. To avoid that, it helps to understand the primary factors that drive most people’s actions. Here are the top three worth thinking about anytime you’re puzzling over something a colleague might’ve done or said, and determining how best to respond.

Related: How these 4 different personality types find motivation

1. TRAITS

This is arguably the most common factor people use when thinking about other people’s behavior. A trait is a stable tendency someone displays in their interactions with the world. Many (but not all) of these traits reflect personality characteristics that guide people’s choices and actions. For example, you may assume your colleague said something to undercut your credibility because you know her to be manipulative. This tendency of hers corresponds to the common personality characteristic of Machiavellianism, which reflects the degree to which individuals try to manipulate others for their own gain.

Yet despite how often we use traits to explain others’ behaviors, psychological studies generally suggest that personality characteristics account for only around 20%–30% of differences in individuals’ behavior (and the real world, of course, is even messier than controlled studies). That means you probably need to look beyond traits to understand what other people are doing and why they’re doing it.

Related: These personality tests found things out that only my mom knows

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2. SITUATIONS

Situational circumstances play a big role in what people do and don’t do. So when you’re trying to evaluate what a coworker has done, you also need to think about the context in which they’ve done it. Suppose you left two messages for a client who hasn’t called you back. See if there’s anything you know about that client’s work that might help you figure out what’s going on. You might notice, for instance, that it’s toward the end of their fiscal year, and so they may be dealing with budgets.

Considering the context might sound like an easy or obvious thing to do, but our tendency to interpret events based on personality traits can make situational factors hard to see. To help you out, imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes for a moment: What might be going on around you that would lead you to act as that person did? Even if you can’t diagnose their behavior accurately this way, it may help you avoid assuming that the primary reason for their action was a trait.

3. GOALS

The third big determinant of someone’s actions is their current goals. Most of us overestimate our own impact on people’s behavior. As a result, we assume that we ourselves somehow figure into the explanation for why somebody’s acting in a particular way, when in reality we don’t. It’s much more likely they have some other goal in mind that’s driving what they do.

For example, your boss may have passed you in the hallway without smiling because she’s late for a meeting with a senior executive. She is isn’t angry at you for some prior comment (a situation), and she isn’t generally a cold person (a trait); she’s just mentally preparing for her next meeting (a goal) while on the run. So before jumping to conclusions about someone’s behavior, ask yourself what goals might lead them to act as they did.

As a general strategy, it’s smart to mentally cycle through the traits, situations, and goals that might be motivating your coworkers’ perplexing behavior. The more possibilities you consider, the better prepared you’ll be to respond effectively.

FastCompany.com | 08.01.18 | THE SCIENCE OF WORK

#Leadership : Secrets of the Most #Productive People -How To Deal With A #PassiveAggressive #Coworker …Resist the Urge to be Passive Aggressive Right Back. Try One of these Five Methods Instead.

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We all know that person who uses sarcasm, snide remarks, and stalling tactics to vent their anger. It can seem childish and sometimes frustrating, but it can also be damaging to your career if the passive-aggressive person is a coworker whose actions are directed toward you.

Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon. That’s because passive-aggressive behavior is more comfortable to deliver than confrontational behavior, says Charmon Parker Williams, assistant professor of business psychology at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology. “Saying what you really mean when you know there will be a disagreement is difficult for many, especially if there is some perceived benefit in sustaining a smooth relationship with a coworker or supervisor,” she says. “Passive-aggressive behavior can be viewed as a way to create more leverage when the level of power is unbalanced in a work situation.”

While venting may release anger in the moment, this type of communication in the workplace is counter-productive. Sarcasm can damage relationships and stalling can interrupt workflow. Instead of being passive aggressive in return, address the behavior by starting conversations or changing your mind-set. Here are five ways to handle a passive-aggressive coworker:

1. SEEK TO UNDERSTAND WHAT’S REALLY BEHIND IT

Organizational change often sparks passive-aggressive behaviors, says Parker Williams. “Employee resistance to changes, like the introduction of new systems or processes, new leadership, a reduction in force, or a new work location often results in passive-aggressive behaviors, especially when employee input was not considered or the change resulted in some degree of loss for the individual,” she says.

“While we often we see resistance as bad, you can also see it as something to honor and understand,” says Beth Linderbaum, managing consultant at Right Management, career and talent development consultants within ManpowerGroup. Introduce the change slowly, and ask the person to share their concerns and listen. “[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][Honoring] these concerns can build the foundation of trust,” she says.

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2. MODEL HEALTHY CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

While passive-aggressive behavior is an unhealthy way of handling conflict, you don’t have to follow suit. Instead, take a deep breath and think about how you can model healthy conflict management, says Linderbaum. “It may mean taking some time and space until cooler heads can prevail,” she says. “It is okay to say, ‘I hear you. Let me have some time to think about this before we discuss further.’ This can mean seeking to understand and looking for solutions where everyone can win.”

Or come to the conversation offering options, adds Parker Williams. “Don’t put them on the defensive,” she says. “Show empathy for their situation and focus on their needs.”

For example, if a coworker is procrastinating in getting you something you need, go to them and say, “I can see that you are busy, I would imagine that you don’t need an interruption,” suggests Parker Williams. “I value your input and really need to talk to you for about 10 minutes about a project that is due by noon. Can we talk now or at 9:30 this morning?”

3. SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS

When you come across a passive-aggressive coworker, evaluate their behavior through that lens, says Vicki Salemi, career expert for Monster. “It’s not a way to chalk it off, but rather about saying to yourself, ‘Okay, this person is passive aggressive, so I need to react and communicate differently than if this person wasn’t passive-aggressive,’” she says.

If your colleague makes a backhanded compliment, for example, try taking it in stride, says Salemi. “Here’s the thing: you need to work alongside this person and produce excellent work even though they may be getting on your nerves,” she says. “Try to get to know them as a person despite their comments, which may come across as snide, demeaning, and arrogant.”

4. SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Being on the receiving end of passive-aggressive behavior is frustrating, and it’s important to think about how you’re being impacted by this person in the long term, says Linderbaum.

“If your efforts to understand and model healthy conflict behaviors don’t work you must look at how you are setting healthy boundaries for yourself and getting the support you need,” she says. “This may mean respectfully standing firm or finding a way to exit the relationship all together.”

You can also seek out a trusted person, such as your manager or HR director, in whom you can confide or ask for advice or perspective.

5. CALL THEM OUT

Finally, you may want to call them out on their game, says Salemi. “They might not even be aware of how you’re perceiving their comments,” she says. “Some people are more blunt in delivery than others.”

While you don’t want to stir the pot to the point of animosity, you also don’t have to bear the brunt of their constant barrage of ammo; that’s the makings of a toxic environment, says Salemi. “Push back in a professional manner, and let them know,” she says. “Keep your cool and don’t take it personally. If this person is passive-aggressive toward you, chances are he or she is operating the same way to others.”

You can also turn the tables and ask for clarification, adds Parker Williams. “Don’t get defensive,” she says. “Then confront the individual in private.”

FastCompany.com | BY STEPHANIE VOZZA | 4 MINUTE READ

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Your #Career : What To Do When A #Coworker Has It In For You…Whether They Just Don’t Like You or They’re Engaging in Sabotage, you Need to Deal with a Difficult CoWorker. Here’s How to Prepare for a Resolution.

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A surprising number of people just don’t get along at the office. Surprised?

Recent research by The Creative Group found that nearly one-third of executives surveyed have had someone try to make them look bad on the job. This type of behavior can range from pointing out someone’s mistake to copying a coworker’s manager on an email criticizing a project the person worked on. In fact, April has actually been declared Workplace Conflict Awareness Month.

Sometimes, workplace relationships can be complex and confusing. Personality types combined with competitiveness and the desire to protect “territory,” in the professional sense of the word, can combine and create strange behavior. But what do you do when you encounter a coworker who just seems to have it in for you?

“It happens more often than you think,” says New York City-based executive coach Shefali Raina. And the negative behavior may range from simply being adversarial to full-on sabotage. To counter such a difficult coworker requires a combination of strategy and skill.

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FACT-CHECK THE SITUATION

The first step, Raina says, is to try to keep your emotions in check—and fact-check the situation. Having conflict with a coworker, especially if you feel you’re being treated unfairly, can be upsetting. But if you make assumptions about a situation or get angry over a miscommunication, you’re going to exacerbate the situation, she says.

“Ensure that your perception that the coworker dislikes you or is sabotaging you is factual and not imagined by you. Our brains have an incredible ability to create stories and connect the dots based on inadequate facts, so it is equally possible that the truth is something else and we are taking it too personally,” she says. Look at the facts objectively so you take the best next steps.

SHARE THEIR PERSPECTIVE

Sometimes, you can understand another person better if you put yourself in their shoes, says Diane Domeyer, executive director of Menlo Park, California-based The Creative Group, a division of Robert Half International. “Some professionals, especially those in competitive fields, may feel pressure to set themselves apart from their peers to get ahead. Putting others down or taking credit for a teammate’s work may make them think they’ll be seen in a better light,” she says.

Consider your teammate’s motivation with empathy. Are you a newcomer who might be a threat? Did you recently get a promotion the individual wanted? Think about why the coworker may be acting like an adversary.

DON’T RETALIATE

Getting into a tit-for-tat with your coworker isn’t going to do anyone any good. Avoid responding in the heat of the moment, Domeyer says. Wait until you are calm to start a discussion and always speak with an even, polite tone so the situation doesn’t escalate.

MAKE THE CALL

What happens next depends on where you land after you’ve gathered facts and objectively evaluated them. Domeyer says that TCG’s research found that 41% of respondents thought it was best to confront the individual directly, while 40% thought it was best to engage a supervisor.

What you should do really depends on whether you’re dealing with someone who dislikes or is threatened by you versus someone who is actively trying to undermine you or derail your career, Raina says. If the former, it may be a good idea to handle the situation on your own. If the latter—or if you’ve tried to confront the individual and it didn’t work or made the behavior worse—then you may need to engage your supervisor. However, if you can show that you tried to fix the issue on your own, that may show your boss that you made the effort to solve the problem first.

ENGAGE IN RESPECTFUL CONFRONTATION

If you’re dealing with garden-variety jealousy or pettiness, engaging in “respectful confrontation” is usually the way to go, says human resources consultant Cornelia Gamlem, president of The GEMS Group, Ltd. in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and coauthor of The Essential Workplace Conflict Handbook. When you’re sure you’re calm enough to not let the situation get heated, choose a time when you can have a private conversation with the individual who seems to be causing the problem. Using non-threatening language, state your concern over the tension or behavior the person is exhibiting. Remain respectful and continue to frame the conversation in terms of what you need or is causing concern, she says.

“It’s kind of hard to keep punching back if somebody’s sitting there saying, ‘Okay, I hear what you’re saying, but let’s take the time to really talk about what’s at the root of the problem,’” she says. Sometimes, people just want to be heard. Such respectful confrontation can help you both get to the heart of what’s bothering you.

BRING IN REINFORCEMENTS

If the situation has the potential to be career damaging, document as much as you can and get help. “If there has been real sabotage, for example, you lost an opportunity or someone damaged your work or your reputation, confront it fearlessly and non-emotionally. In my experience, a coworker with a sabotage mind-set will not stop the sabotage if they feel they will get away with it,” Raina says. Bringing in a supervisor or HR person elevates the situation and can help you resolve it quicker.

Sometimes, you’ll need to accept that some people just won’t like you. But when a difference in personalities or styles becomes adversarial, career  damaging, or prevents you from getting your work done, taking quick, decisive action is critical to mitigating potential damage.

FastCompany.com | April 11, 2018 | Gwen Moran