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#Leadership : Quality Advice on How to #Communicate During Stressful Times… Even on a Good Day, #Communicating Well is One of Life’s Toughest Daily Challenges, and It’s Especially Difficult to Do Under Pressure.

Even on a good day, communicating well is one of life’s toughest daily challenges, and it’s especially difficult to do under pressure. Thankfully, by applying a few practical tips, you can significantly improve how you talk with friends, family, coworkers, and others.

Focus on Your Goal

For instance, facing more than one challenge at a time can be overwhelming. Instead of trying to tackle everything at once, focus on one or two important objectives per conversation. Successful exchanges will encourage others to approach you, and over time you will have increasingly productive dialogues. But it’s not only other topics that can be distracting. Anger, frustration and apathy can divert you from your main purpose if you let them.

Take a Deep Breath

You’ve probably heard this advice a dozen times, but it works. After studying a group of nerves in the brain, biochemistry professor Mark Krasnow concluded that breathing affects overall brain activity. He explained, “This liaison to the rest of the brain means that if we can slow breathing down, as we can do by deep breathing or slow controlled breaths, the idea would be that these neurons then don’t signal the arousal center, and don’t hyperactivate the brain. So you can calm your breathing and also calm your mind.”

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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Laugh First and Hardest

Research indicates that laughter reduces the amounts of stress hormones in your body and increases levels of endorphins — chemicals that make you feel good. According to Stress Management with Intelligence, the effects of laughter are more than chemical: “Laughter connects people, and social support is good for stress relief.”

Talk to Someone (Else)

Yes, it sounds counterintuitive, but discussing your issues with an unbiased outsider is helpful for two reasons. First, venting your frustrations may relieve tension and allow you to talk more calmly the next time you confront the situation. Also, your listener may have some relevant advice.

However, choose your confidant with care. Avoid anyone with a reputation for gossip. If you can’t think of anyone in your immediate social circle, search for an online support group.

Set a Realistic Objective

If you or the person you are talking to is stressed, adjust your expectations. Stress isn’t always a bad thing. If you’re excited about something, your body releases adrenaline and chemicals that heighten senses and help the brain focus, according to HolisticOnline.com. However, the website says that the positive effects are short-lived: “As you spend more and more time under stress, your ability to concentrate lessens.” Therefore, if you’re on a tight deadline, it may boost you to accomplish more in one sitting. On the other hand, if you’re in an ongoing feud with a colleague, your discussion may end in a compromise.

Listen

Don’t be so focused on trying to get your point across that you forget to listen. It’s a life skill, according to SkillsYouNeed.com: “Listening is key to all effective communication. Without the ability to listen effectively, messages are easily misunderstood. As a result, communication breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated.” How can you show the speaker you are paying attention?

Practice Positive Body Language

If your body is sending negative signals, you may be inadvertently sabotaging the conversation. Leaning away from someone or crossing your arms while they speak may convey that you’re not open to conversation.

You can change your posture with a few easy adjustments. For example, lean slightly towards the other participant. Let your arms hang by your sides or bring them together in your lap. Make brief eye contact throughout the interchange. These minor alterations send the message that you are actively listening, a factor which will make your conversational partner feel valued and more open to what you have to say.

Know When to Keep Silent

stressful moment may not be the ideal time to bring up sensitive issues. You may decide to let a matter drop altogether or wait until a more opportune time. If the issue is unavoidable, take a few minutes to organize your thoughts in writing.

Listening, breathing and taking time to respond are just a few strategies to help you keep your cool. Even if you’re not facing a stressful situation now, keep these tips on hand to help you communicate in everyday life.

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Your #Career : Don’t Let Your Boss’s Poor #CommunicationSkills Hold You Back….If your #Boss is Terrible at #Communicating , you Don’t have to Deal With the Fallout. These Strategies will Help you Get the Information you Need.

Poor communication is costing you in more ways than you probably realize. But it might not be your poor communication that’s the problem.

A recent Economist Intelligence Unit study found that communication barriers like lack of clarity, pointless meetings, and even differences in communication styles are wreaking havoc on productivity and efficiency. Forty-four percent of respondents said such issues delay or derail projects, while nearly a third said they cause low morale. A quarter attributed poor communication to missed performance goals, and 18% said a failure to communicate caused lost sales, sometimes totaling well into the six figures.


Related:How To Communicate With People Who Disagree With You


It’s one thing if the finger is pointed at you—there are plenty of ways you can shore up your own ability to ensure others hear and understand what you say. But, what if the perpetrator of murky directives is your boss?

Of course, you can ask questions, but you must know what to ask, business leadership coach Cheri Torres, PhD, author of Conversations Worth Having: Using Appreciative Inquiry to Fuel Productive and Meaningful Engagement. Try to clarify directives and expectations without unduly challenging your boss or making them feel threatened or inadequate, which can make it even tougher to get direction, she says.

“Don’t throw the boss into further panic and fear, but instead seek clarity and information from that person, and putting it in the context of, ‘I really want to do a good job for you and for the department, so I need this information in order to do that,’” she says. And to help get the information you need to succeed use these tactics.

IDENTIFY THE DISCONNECT

Identifying the root of the disconnect can make a world of difference in how you communicate with your boss on a regular basis, says Brian Kelley, vice president of employee experience at McLean, Virginia-based Sage Communications. Take note of your boss’s interactions with others. Do they have a tough time communicating with everyone? Are there traits that get in the way of clear communication? Understanding different communication styles, especially those typical of introverts, extroverts, and various personality types, can also be helpful to understand where the gap is.

“Anytime you have a poor communicator in a senior position, it’s a great opportunity to manage up and really work with your superior to make sure that they understand your needs for solid communication and the specific ways that you can really communicate with each other better,” he says. Kelley urges his direct reports to tell him what they need from him to better do their jobs. If your boss is open to that kind of frank communication, it could be enormously helpful, he says.


Related:How To Avoid The 5 Most Common Misunderstandings At Work


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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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DOUBLE-CLICK

Understanding the thought process that led to this project or request can help you better understand what is being asked, says executive coach Judith E. Glaser, and author of Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results. One way to do that is to “double-click” when your boss gives you direction.

Let’s say your supervisor tells you to take on a project. They’ve obviously thought through why they want you to do so, and they’re in a state of conclusion, Glaser says. But you may not agree with the directive and may need help understanding why you’re being asked to take on the project, as well as what the point of it is. Asking about what led up to the decision to execute this project or take on this task can get you more clarity about the context and expectations, she says. That’s double-clicking, Glaser says.

“A lot of times we don’t get context from CEOs, we get conclusions. With conclusions, you miss out on a lot of the pre-thought, where the [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][employee] might be able to get in and make some adjustments to make it even better. That’s what they want to do, get into the conversation, into the thought process,” she says.

REFRAME, REFOCUS, REDIRECT

When you’re having conversations with your boss and don’t feel like you’re getting what you need, try stating the question in a different way or sharing your understanding of what’s being said, Glaser says. Respond with, “So, what I understand you’re asking me to do is . . . ” or, “What I hear you saying is that you want me to . . . ” and fill in the blank with your perspective. That will allow your supervisor to understand what you’re hearing in the conversation, she says.


Related:6 Ways To Communicate With More Authority


“When you’re not getting what you want, try to reframe it, say it in a different way, or connect it to something, a new word that might activate the opening of a conversation,” she says.

GET CLEAR ABOUT PRIORITIES

If you’re still having trouble getting detailed instructions, context, or feedback, try to focus on priorities, Kelley says. What matters about the project? What is the purpose? What will a successful outcome look like?

If you can get a clearer picture of the desired outcome, you may be able to figure out how to make that happen, Torres adds. Some bosses may try to test your problem-solving ability and resourcefulness by giving you the broad strokes of a project and allowing you to figure out how to get it done.

“Some bosses don’t give real clear instructions because they are anticipating or expecting or hoping the person will make decisions about how to do things on their own, but they assume that, rather than say that,” she says.

And if you’re feeling lost on a project or not sure you’re moving in the right direction, arranging check-ins along the way can help ensure you don’t get too far off track, Kelley adds.

FIND OTHER STAKEHOLDERS

Finding coworkers, colleagues, and even other senior-level people who can help you get the direction you need is another good strategy, Torres says. If your boss isn’t clear about direction, they may also not be clear about who else is involved in the project. Ask around and work on gathering information from people who can provide it, she says. You may also get valuable feedback about how other people have found ways to communicate effectively with your supervisor, she says.

FastCompany.com | April 12, 2018 | Gwen Moran

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