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#Leadership : How to Deal When your #Boss Plays Favorites…It’s Human Nature to have Preferences. It’s Unfair and Shouldn’t Happen, But If your Boss Seems to Be Passing you Over in Favor of Someone Else, here’s How you Can Keep your Career from Tanking.

At work, however, this natural tendency can quickly become toxic if preferential treatments are coming from the boss.

Especially if you’re the one suffering at the expense of favoritism.

In the best case scenario, your boss’s favoritism will pass without negatively impacting your career growth. In a more sinister case scenario, the favoritism continues on far too long and your professional growth suffers. You are kept out of secret meetings and brainstorming sessions. You don’t get assigned projects that can help you grow. You aren’t given credit after working hard on an assignment.

After awhile, the unfair treatment could end up damaging your ability to succeed.

“It’s really important to approach this kind of scenario with integrity and maintain a sense of confidence,” says Donna Sweiden, executive career coach at CareerFolk LLC. “Don’t let it become a chip on your shoulder, even if it might be difficult, but rather continue to engage in the work and this might be tricky because of the constant rejection.”

In order to persevere, below are four ways to handle not being your boss’s favorite:

1. BE STRAIGHTFORWARD ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT

Maybe your boss resonates with your coworker. Maybe there’s something about her that reminds your boss of himself. It doesn’t matter because you can’t do anything about it. What you can control, however, is how you react to it.

One way to deal with this situation is to “deal with the little things instead of the big picture,” says Barbara Pachter, business etiquette expert and author of the book, The Communication Clinic: 99 Proven Cures for the Most Common Business Mistakes. So instead of focusing on the fact that your boss is playing favorites, turn your attention instead on what you want that you aren’t getting. If you want a special assignment, do your homework, go in, and ask for it.

If there’s a career goal you’re trying to reach, tell your boss about it, and then ask advice on how you can get there. The most important thing is to be straightforward. Otherwise, it might not be that your boss is playing favorites, but rather they just don’t know what you want.

“It is possible that the way you’re speaking up, or the way your appear when you’re speaking up can seem wishy-washy,” warns Pachter.

 

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2. GO ABOVE AND BEYOND

You can’t control your boss’s bad behavior, and focusing on it will only eat away at your psyche and defeat you. Instead, focus on improving yourself. Eventually others will notice the good work you’re doing.

Pachter advises putting everything into your work and going above and beyond during this painful period. Get in early and stay late. And if you can stomach it, consider what it is about your boss’s favorite that has earned them special treatment. Is there anything the favorite is doing that you can learn from?

3. ASSERT YOURSELF

If you continue to do good work, you have to trust that eventually others will notice. And they might even notice your boss playing favorites, if the behavior is overt enough. One way to help people notice the good work you’re doing is to advocate for yourself. What are you doing to build your reputation outside of your department? Are you getting involved in projects with others who can vouch for your work? Can you get a mentor who can help support your career growth? Finding different avenues to success may take a bit more time and creative energy when you don’t have a boss who supports you, but eventually, articulating and advocating your values is something you’ll have to consider if you want to get the attention you deserve.

4. MANAGE UP

At some point, if your boss’s preferences are no longer something you can ignore, then it’s time to manage up.

“Obviously you can’t go on this way,” says Sweiden. “You will have to figure out a way to develop some kind of relationship with the manager.”

She adds: “Ultimately, it’s less important that people like you, but building a workable relationship is very critical because when things get difficult, you need that relationship, that foundation, to talk things out.”

However, if you’ve tried building a trusting, cordial relationship with your boss, but they’re just, quite frankly, a jerk, then it might be time you communicate this to them.

Sweiden advises asking for advice in a nonthreatening way, like “How am I doing?” By involving your boss, you’re acknowledging their expertise and also communicating that you’re on the same team. You can also bring up the fact that you’ve noticed the favorite has received X,Y, Z opportunities and you’d like to know how you can also get similar opportunities (assuming you are equal in competence and diligent). Next, be very clear on the opportunities you want.

Whatever you do, always try to separate your emotions from the conversation, especially if the favoritism has gone on for some time and has festered into loathing.

Vivian Giang is a business writer of gender conversations, leadership, entrepreneurship, workplace psychology, and whatever else she finds interesting related to work and play. You can find her on Twitter at @vivian_giang.

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FastCompany.com | October 12, 2018 

#CareerAdvice : This is How you can Disagree with Senior Management and Keep your Job…When it Comes to Presenting your Arguments the Right Way, you First Need to Decide if you’re Disagreeing for the Right Reasons.

Life is made up of disagreements large and small, with everyone from your spouse, kids, or parents, to strangers on the street. But perhaps one of the most fraught and stressful situations is when you disagree with the person who can decide whether you keep your job.

Gabriel Grant, CEO of Human Partners and author of the book Breaking Through Gridlock: The Power of Conversation in a Polarized World, says disagreements can sometimes feel threatening because they can come off as dismissive to a subject someone holds close.

“When that’s your identity, what you love, and what you value most, there’s presumably a lot on the line,” he says.

When it comes to presenting your arguments the right way, you first need to decide if you’re disagreeing for the right reasons. If there is something important to add to the discussion, and you’re not countering just for the sake of it, then consider the below for the forgotten art of disagreeing in a constructive manner:

1. KNOW WHAT STYLE INFLUENCES THE OTHER PARTY

When it comes to persuasion, a huge factor in success is the planning. And a major part of that planning is understanding how the other party prefers to communicate.

“One of the things about having a boss is you have to know what sort of style influences them,” says Priscilla Claman, career coach and president of Career Strategies, Inc. “There’s a reason why the New York Times, among others, have all these gorgeous charts and graphs. They’re very influential.”

In short, is this person a data-rich person? Or are they more influenced by how their decisions impact others?

 

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2. RECRUIT CREDIBLE SOURCES FOR YOUR CAUSE

If you’re really stuck, and the other party just isn’t hearing you at all, it might be time to widen the circle of people you need to persuade. One strategy is rounding up people who agree with you and make a joint presentation, as the more people behind a cause, the more credible it becomes.

Another strategy is to recruit the help of someone you know the other party trusts. For instance, if you know your boss really trusts a particular executive, try to persuade that person, then ask them to share the information with your boss.

“It’s actually a very good strategy,” Claman says, “but the downside is that if you’re right, you never get the credit for it. But at least you stop the problem from going over the cliff.”

WHEN THE CONVERSATION IS REALLY STUCK

For those really sticky conversations that feel like you’ll never be able to reach an agreement, there’s still a chance you can stay true to yourself, get your message across, and simultaneously strengthen your relationship with the other party.

Grant, who regularly works with social and environmental change leaders, provides two tips for when you’re trying to change someone’s mind, but the conversation is at a gridlock:

1. Focus on results. In challenging conversations, we end up reacting to what Grant calls a gap between the world that we want and the world in which we’re currently living.

In other words, if your superior is really upsetting you, Grant suggests reacting in a way that is consistent with what you want in the future, not with how things are right now. So, if your goal is to have a future where people are cooperative, then being upset or angry–even if those emotions are valid–isn’t going to contribute to the future you want to create.

Case in point: Executive A sends Executive B an email saying that Executive B was angry, judgmental, and dismissive when he should have been cooperative and supportive in their last meeting. However, the email itself isn’t cooperative and supportive, so how can the result ever be cooperative and supportive?

“Who you’re being is wildly more powerful than what’s being said,” says Grant, so before you make your point, make sure you first deal with your own background conversation. Take care of any thoughts, opinions, and judgments you may have, or you won’t be able to have a successful conversation out in the open later on.

“Most of the conversations we have are like the iceberg under the water, and what’s being said is what’s above water,” explains Grant. “And if you think changing what’s being said is going to make the difference, then you’re not actually moving the iceberg, you’re just moving the ice around above the water.”

2. Identify hidden baggage that came before you. Sometimes you aren’t the reason why someone can’t hear you. Sometimes it’s baggage that’s projected onto you because of all the people and experiences the other party encountered before you.

Grant explains: “When I identify as an environmentalist, then all of the baggage, all of the background conversation around environmentalists immediately gets put onto me, so all of sudden I’m working through that, and I don’t even know that I’m working through that because I just met you.”

One of the ways you can get around this is identifying the baggage that came before you and is following you into conversations. You can do this by trying to imagine what the other party might think you stand for, what they might think you’re advocating for, and acknowledge it at the start of the conversation.

THE CONS OF NEVER DISAGREEING

Because disagreeing and conflict trigger the flight mode, and emotional stress is felt throughout the body, it’s natural to want to avoid it. But navigating those tough conversations are needed in our polarized world. It’s needed for diversity of thought and ideas. In organizations, disagreeing defeats groupthink, and that’s why the best teams know how to disagree and encourage it.

On an individual level, the art of disagreeing is needed lest we become a “yes” person to our superiors. And even if your boss isn’t directly telling you so, they want you to disagree when needed and bring something new to the table.

“It doesn’t always mean disagreeing,” Claman says, “but it does mean being prepared to disagree.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Vivian Giang is a business writer of gender conversations, leadership, entrepreneurship, workplace psychology, and whatever else she finds interesting related to work and play. You can find her on Twitter at @vivian_giang.

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FastCompany.com | October 9, 2018 

Your #Career : These Are 4 Types Of #Bosses You’ll Have, And How To Deal With Them…Most Bosses you’ll have Fit into One of These Categories. Here’s How to #Manage Each–and When to Jump Ship.

Many types of people become managers, and they employ many different leadership styles once they do. And considering the wide spectrum of personality traits there are out there, you’d think that would lead to a multitude of managerial types. But according to Ximena Vengoechea, you’d be wrong.

A design researcher at Pinterest as well as a Fast Company contributor who writes prolifically about management, work culture, and mentorship, Vengoechea believes most bosses basically fit into four categories:

  1. Hands on, and in it for themselves
  2. Hands on, and it it for you
  3. Hands off, and in it for themselves
  4. Hands off, and in it for you

“Obviously,” she adds, “the ones where they are in it for themselves are less effective for the individual.” Also a talented illustrator, Vengoechea maps out this framework like so:

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Here’s her take on what employees need to know in order to deal with each type of boss.

1. HANDS ON, IN IT FOR THEMSELVES

Vengoechea doesn’t mince words: “Get a new manager!” Bosses who hover and nitpick, either because they’re on a power trip or they just assume you’ll screw it all up, are bad at the fundamentals of supervising other people. “It’s hard to grow when you’re being micromanaged and your manager is taking all the credit,” she points out. You can’t work for someone who doesn’t trust you and only looks out for their own interests.


Related:This Is How To Handle A Boss Who Overcommunicates


Of course, bad bosses who fall into this category can be broken down a bit further by their other quirks and habits. Some, for example, may be highly indecisive; others might set habitually unrealistic expectations. There are a few ways you can try to adapt to each of these habits, but that’s really just in order to make work livable while you finagle a transfer to another team internally or look for a new job altogether.

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2. HANDS ON, IN IT FOR YOU

Yes, this type of boss may have some micromanaging tendencies, but as Vengoechea cautions, “Don’t assume the worst from ad hoc check-ins. Your manager may just be proactive about helping you grow.”

Give this type of boss the benefit of the doubt (sometimes micromanaging is a symptom of work-related stress, by the way) and use it as an opportunity to improve how you communicate. “Let them know where you need their help and brainpower,” Vengoechea advises. That includes sharing when you don’t need it.

But as long as you can tell that your boss has your best interests at heart, try to see their hands-on approach as an opportunity for mentorship. As Vengoechea explained previously in Fast Company, “If a manager checks in outside of your normally scheduled one-on-one meeting, relax. Don’t automatically assume the worst and put your guard up. Consider the possibility that rather than trying to micromanage, your new boss may be trying to find ways to help, so be more receptive.”


Related:These Are The 3 Traits Of Bosses That Everyone Wants To Work For


3. HANDS OFF, IN IT FOR THEMSELVES

If your boss seems mostly concerned about their own status and advancement and uninterested in yours, that’s of course not an ideal situation. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you should run for the hills.

Vengoechea suggests first trying to test your theory about why your boss is keeping their distance–and, as she explained in a separate Fast Company story, it’s usually due to one of two reasons: “They’re either checked out at work in general, or they totally trust you.” She breaks down the best strategies for both scenarios here, but claims that in general, it’s smart to “be proactive about following up, show that one-on-ones matter, [and] widen their window onto your work.”

These efforts can all help build a bridge to a distant manager. But if you don’t make progress at deepening your rapport, Vengoechea says it’s time to look for a different boss. “It’s hard to grow if your manager doesn’t have your best interests at heart.”

4. HANDS OFF, IN IT FOR YOU

It’s not the worst thing in the world to have a boss who keeps their distance simply because they trust you to get the job done.

Here, too, the onus is on you to communicate what you need. Vengoechea suggests expressing gratitude for their trust and “share when you want more input, check in on their goals and how you can help, [and] ask for feedback.” As she put it in her previous article, it’s all about “acknowledg[ing] that you feel empowered to make decisions and run with ideas autonomously, thanks to their support. But don’t be afraid to spell out scenarios where their perspective might be helpful and productive for you.” Typically, a manager who cares about your professional development will make a greater effort to get more involved when you need that.


Related:The Management Formula Every Leader Should Know (In One Easy Chart)


Researchers have found that employees’ relationships with managers is one of the most decisive factors in the decision to look for another job versus stay put,” Vengoechea points out, “which means that the type of manager you have matters a lot–it’s going to determine your growth in a role or in a company, as well as your happiness and fulfillment day-to-day.”

So no matter what type of manager you have, Vengoechea says, “make sure you are following the key tenets of ‘managing up’ : Understand their goals, and how you can help; learn what communication style works for them (and you!), give feedback on them, and on what you need; [and] share your wins.” Not all boss-employee relationships are win-wins, but for those who keep these basic rules in mind, more of them can be.

FastCompany.com | April 23, 2018 | BY RICH BELLIS 4 MINUTE READ

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Your #Career : Don’t Let Your Boss’s Poor #CommunicationSkills Hold You Back….If your #Boss is Terrible at #Communicating , you Don’t have to Deal With the Fallout. These Strategies will Help you Get the Information you Need.

Poor communication is costing you in more ways than you probably realize. But it might not be your poor communication that’s the problem.

A recent Economist Intelligence Unit study found that communication barriers like lack of clarity, pointless meetings, and even differences in communication styles are wreaking havoc on productivity and efficiency. Forty-four percent of respondents said such issues delay or derail projects, while nearly a third said they cause low morale. A quarter attributed poor communication to missed performance goals, and 18% said a failure to communicate caused lost sales, sometimes totaling well into the six figures.


Related:How To Communicate With People Who Disagree With You


It’s one thing if the finger is pointed at you—there are plenty of ways you can shore up your own ability to ensure others hear and understand what you say. But, what if the perpetrator of murky directives is your boss?

Of course, you can ask questions, but you must know what to ask, business leadership coach Cheri Torres, PhD, author of Conversations Worth Having: Using Appreciative Inquiry to Fuel Productive and Meaningful Engagement. Try to clarify directives and expectations without unduly challenging your boss or making them feel threatened or inadequate, which can make it even tougher to get direction, she says.

“Don’t throw the boss into further panic and fear, but instead seek clarity and information from that person, and putting it in the context of, ‘I really want to do a good job for you and for the department, so I need this information in order to do that,’” she says. And to help get the information you need to succeed use these tactics.

IDENTIFY THE DISCONNECT

Identifying the root of the disconnect can make a world of difference in how you communicate with your boss on a regular basis, says Brian Kelley, vice president of employee experience at McLean, Virginia-based Sage Communications. Take note of your boss’s interactions with others. Do they have a tough time communicating with everyone? Are there traits that get in the way of clear communication? Understanding different communication styles, especially those typical of introverts, extroverts, and various personality types, can also be helpful to understand where the gap is.

“Anytime you have a poor communicator in a senior position, it’s a great opportunity to manage up and really work with your superior to make sure that they understand your needs for solid communication and the specific ways that you can really communicate with each other better,” he says. Kelley urges his direct reports to tell him what they need from him to better do their jobs. If your boss is open to that kind of frank communication, it could be enormously helpful, he says.


Related:How To Avoid The 5 Most Common Misunderstandings At Work


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DOUBLE-CLICK

Understanding the thought process that led to this project or request can help you better understand what is being asked, says executive coach Judith E. Glaser, and author of Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results. One way to do that is to “double-click” when your boss gives you direction.

Let’s say your supervisor tells you to take on a project. They’ve obviously thought through why they want you to do so, and they’re in a state of conclusion, Glaser says. But you may not agree with the directive and may need help understanding why you’re being asked to take on the project, as well as what the point of it is. Asking about what led up to the decision to execute this project or take on this task can get you more clarity about the context and expectations, she says. That’s double-clicking, Glaser says.

“A lot of times we don’t get context from CEOs, we get conclusions. With conclusions, you miss out on a lot of the pre-thought, where the [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][employee] might be able to get in and make some adjustments to make it even better. That’s what they want to do, get into the conversation, into the thought process,” she says.

REFRAME, REFOCUS, REDIRECT

When you’re having conversations with your boss and don’t feel like you’re getting what you need, try stating the question in a different way or sharing your understanding of what’s being said, Glaser says. Respond with, “So, what I understand you’re asking me to do is . . . ” or, “What I hear you saying is that you want me to . . . ” and fill in the blank with your perspective. That will allow your supervisor to understand what you’re hearing in the conversation, she says.


Related:6 Ways To Communicate With More Authority


“When you’re not getting what you want, try to reframe it, say it in a different way, or connect it to something, a new word that might activate the opening of a conversation,” she says.

GET CLEAR ABOUT PRIORITIES

If you’re still having trouble getting detailed instructions, context, or feedback, try to focus on priorities, Kelley says. What matters about the project? What is the purpose? What will a successful outcome look like?

If you can get a clearer picture of the desired outcome, you may be able to figure out how to make that happen, Torres adds. Some bosses may try to test your problem-solving ability and resourcefulness by giving you the broad strokes of a project and allowing you to figure out how to get it done.

“Some bosses don’t give real clear instructions because they are anticipating or expecting or hoping the person will make decisions about how to do things on their own, but they assume that, rather than say that,” she says.

And if you’re feeling lost on a project or not sure you’re moving in the right direction, arranging check-ins along the way can help ensure you don’t get too far off track, Kelley adds.

FIND OTHER STAKEHOLDERS

Finding coworkers, colleagues, and even other senior-level people who can help you get the direction you need is another good strategy, Torres says. If your boss isn’t clear about direction, they may also not be clear about who else is involved in the project. Ask around and work on gathering information from people who can provide it, she says. You may also get valuable feedback about how other people have found ways to communicate effectively with your supervisor, she says.

FastCompany.com | April 12, 2018 | Gwen Moran

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Your #Career : 3 Signs It’s Time To Ask Your #Boss For That #Promotion …The Timing of your Ask is as Important as How you Ask. Here’s a Checklist to Know if the Moment is Ripe.

You already know why you want a promotion: It will confirm what you’ve already accomplished in your role, validate your work and work ethic, and open paths for bigger and better projects. Ideally, it’ll also mean more pay.

But there’s a difference between wanting a promotion and being ready for it. In order to put your best foot forward with your manager, you need to be confident that the time is right. How can you ensure you’re not jumping the gun?

This three-part checklist can help you identify when you’re ready to make the most compelling pitch you possibly can.

1. YOU’VE BEEN DOING THE JOB YOU WANT TO BE PROMOTED TO FOR SIX MONTHS

This means you’ve been taking on more than what’s expected of your current role or level and performing well in that new scope. If you’re not sure where you stand, it’s a good time to have a check-in with your manager about her expectations for the level you’re hoping to reach, and the types of projects and impact you eventually want to make in a more senior role.

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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2. YOUR WORK HAS HAD A VISIBLE IMPACT ON THE BUSINESS

It goes without saying that you should be making an impact at the team level, that’s part and parcel of your job. But the strongest cases for moving up a level at work rest on the contributions you make to projects that have a measurable impact on the business.

Looking at the work you’ve done in the past six months, identify the impact you’ve made for your team as well as for the business. That impact can be measurable (think revenue impact) or fuzzier (strategic impact)–so long as it’s visible and provable. For example, what part did you play to make sure that your team (and the company) met their sales target for the year? Did you propose a new idea to the higher-ups that they turned into company policy? To make your case, outline not just the business impact your work has driven, but also the alternate paths the team or company might have gone down without your work.

If you’re struggling to identify how your work fits into big-picture company goals, you might need to postpone your promotion request and instead work with your manager on a strategy to make your work more impactful.

3. YOU’VE MADE PROGRESS ON PREVIOUSLY IDENTIFIED DEVELOPMENT AREAS

If you’ve been in your role for at least six months, you should have gotten feedback by now on what you can to do improve. (If you haven’t, you should drop everything and ask for feedback now.) Have you made progress in the development areas your manager raised to you? Are some of these areas prerequisites for getting to the next level? If you’re excelling in them, it’s a great sign that now’s the time to make your case for a promotion.

Nodded your head to all these scenarios? You’re almost ready. Before approaching your manager, make sure you’ve gathered comprehensive documentation of your progress and performance. This should include specifics. Come armed with plenty of examples of how you’ve exceeded expectations, the measurable impact you’ve had on the business, and the progress you’ve made in the last six months.

At the same time, you’ll want to keep an open mind: Your manager will inevitably have a different perspective on your performance, impact, and progress. So take the time to compare notes in good faith and respectfully advocate for yourself. If you disagree, don’t be afraid to push back politely with concrete examples of your progress. By the end of the conversation, you and your boss should be able to arrive at a game plan you both feel comfortable with.

And yes, that may mean accepting a “not yet” to your promotion request. But you’ve at least laid out a reasonable timetable for getting to the next level.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ximena Vengoechea is a design researcher, writer, and illustrator whose work on personal and professional development has been published in Inc.Newsweek, and HuffPost. She currently manages a team of researchers at Pinterest, in addition to leading a company-wide mentorship program.

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FastCompany.com | March 16, 2018 | BY XIMENA VENGOECHEA 3 MINUTE READ