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#Leadership : #BossRelationship – Exactly What to Say in These 7 Difficult Conversations with your Boss. A Must REad!

Nearly one-third of professionals admit they’d rather work an extra six hours a week than seek help in the workplace, according to a recent report from LinkedIn. This stands in sharp contrast to the number of professionals who said they’ve needed help at some point in their career.

An overwhelming majority (84%) of respondents confessed this, and among their chief concerns were dealing with stress, challenges with colleagues or managers, starting new projects, and making mistakes.

Of course, it’s easier to confide in a compassionate colleague, but be warned: If you avoid talking to your supervisor, you could be making things even worse.

If the thought of approaching your boss to ask for a raise, try your hand at a new project, or simply sharing some challenging feedback has you shaking in your shoes, take heart. We’ve asked a number of leaders to offer advice on what to say and how to say it. You’re welcome.

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 1: “YOUR MANAGEMENT STYLE ISN’T WORKING FOR ME.”

The first step for the discussion is to be aware of how you’re feeling as an employee. Second, you need to reframe the conversation to be around learning and growing. Upward feedback isn’t an opportunity to tell off your manager, it’s an opportunity to help them become a better leader. Hold their success as your intention, and then clearly and directly share what you are seeing and what isn’t working. If you are genuinely connecting with your manager and caring about their future and their success, the manager will receive your feedback.–David Hassell, cofounder and CEO, 15Five

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 2: “I’M EXPECTING A BABY.”

Sharing the news that you’re pregnant should be as exciting at the workplace as it is with friends and family. But for too many women it’s an unnecessarily stressful conversation with their boss, usually out of uncertainty about the futures of their careers. Nearly twice as many women are nervous to tell their boss they’re pregnant than five years ago, according to Bright Horizons’ fifth annual Modern Family Index.

Before speaking with your boss, take some time to check in with yourself. Know the value you bring to your team and the company, and have an action plan in place for your maternity leave and return to the company. Most importantly, go into the conversation confident and with a positive attitude. This is a great opportunity for you to learn more about the benefits your company provides for expecting and new parents, and for preparing for a new phase in what it means to be able to bring your whole self to work.--Maribeth Bearfield, chief human resources officer, Bright Horizons

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 3: “I’VE MADE A MISTAKE.”

It’s important to address it honestly and take ownership. One of the most frustrating things as a manager is when someone immediately starts blaming everyone else instead of taking responsibility. Be solutions-oriented, sharing what happened and how you plan to fix it. I would also suggest sharing what you learned from the experience and what you’ll do to ensure it won’t happen again. This is a great opportunity to showcase your growth mind-set. Every single person makes mistakes. But you have the opportunity to show what kind of person and employee you are in how you address, fix, and learn from them.--Sarah Alpern, vice president of user experience, LinkedIn

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 4: “I WANT A RAISE. (BUT DEEP DOWN I DON’T FEEL LIKE I DESERVE IT.)”

Asking your boss or supervisor for a raise when you deal with imposter syndrome can feel scary–especially as you may feel alone in the doubt, fear, and questions you have about your abilities, skills, and contributions to the workplace. As a female leader, I often struggle with imposter syndrome and frequently doubt the accomplishments that I set out to achieve.

One tip to overcome this is to constantly write down your contributions and where you provide the most value in the workplace–ranging from small, tactical wins to big successes. Then, when you’re looking to ask for a raise, come to the meeting prepared with a set agenda and speak to the accomplishments or goals you’ve completed throughout your time as an employee. Showing the value you provide to your team and workplace when speaking to your manager will not only minimize the doubts that come along with imposter syndrome, but it will also emphasize your capability and worthiness of a raise or promotion.

Another great option is to look for those outside of your workplace who can cheer you on and provide words of encouragements before asking for a raise. For me, having my daughter as my biggest cheerleader and seeing in her eyes how proud she is of me gives me the energy and passion to keep going. Find those sources of energy for you and keep them in mind when you show up to work each day. When you come to work with positive energy and feel motivated, talking about uncomfortable topics with managers will become less challenging.--Andee Harris, president, YouEarnedIt/HighGround

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 5: “I GOT ANOTHER, BETTER JOB OFFER.”

If you want to keep your job, approach your boss with a shared problem–you’d like to stay, but the market price for people like you has gone up. And while you love your current work and responsibilities, you’d also like to care of your family/yourself. So ask if your current boss can take this compensation issue off the table by matching the competitive offer so that you can do the right thing. Warning: You only get to do this every two years or so until you’re considered a mercenary, so make sure it is worth bringing up with her or him.

If you want to leave, be pleasant, polite, and persistent. Say something like: ‘I’ve decided that what’s best for me for my career is that I’m going to be taking a new role at Acme. I thank you very much for your time and the experience here.’ Two weeks’ notice is still the bare minimum to be considered not burning your bridges. Offer to assist with the transition, and be firm that you’re not considering staying at this time.–Marc Cenedella, CEO of Ladders

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 6: “I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A NEW PRODUCT BUT DON’T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO DEVELOP IT INDEPENDENTLY.”

You should always come from the perspective of driving value for your customers. Pitch the product or solution from the perspective of how this solution helps customers or users be more effective and efficient. From there, focus on clearly defined ownership, the best ways to collaborate, and overall resourcing. Bosses love to see plans that are well thought through and will be happy to support you as a result.–Maria Zhang, VP of engineering, LinkedIn

DIFFICULT CONVERSATION 7: “I NEED HELP ASSESSING MY SKILLS SO I CAN DEVELOP AS A LEADER.”

While the role of your manager is to develop you and unlock your potential, it is also important for you to be thoughtful and proactive in your approach to your own career development. This starts with being self-aware and knowing what is expected of you in your role and how your success will be measured. When you meet with your manager, along with setting and checking on core goals for your role, share your perspective on where you want to grow, and how you’d like to accomplish that. Ask for your manager’s feedback and partnership to define ways to stretch yourself professionally. Don’t forget to then track your results and report on your progress. In addition, don’t count out your peers! If your colleague is a stellar salesperson, ask if you can shadow them. It helps to learn from the best.--Ty Heath, global lead, Market Development LMS

Regardless of the issue, know that you’re not alone. “Approaching difficult conversations with your manager is never easy, no matter what your relationship is like with your boss,” says Alexandra Clarke, director of recruiting for ForceBrands. Overall, she says, to ensure the direction of the conversation is healthy and productive, regardless of how tricky the topic, make sure you have a plan, purpose, and agendabefore you have the conversation.

Ask for feedback and advice where necessary, Clarke maintains, and always listen. Most importantly, she adds, be professional. “Be receptive and open to the idea that even if the meeting doesn’t go as planned, you were able to engage in a difficult conversation that won’t compromise or undermine your role,” Clarke explains, “and before leaving the discussion, suggest scheduling a follow-up meeting to regroup on the topic in a few days.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lydia Dishman is a reporter writing about the intersection of tech, leadership, and innovation. She is a regular contributor to Fast Company and has written for CBS Moneywatch, Fortune, The Guardian, Popular Science, and the New York Times, among others.

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FastCompany.com | January 30, 2019

#CareerAdvice : #JobPromotion – This is How you Get your Boss’s Job…Think you can Do your Boss’s Job Better than he Can? It Might be an Uphill Battle, but it’s Possible. Here are a Few Things to Consider Along the Way.

It is natural to want to advance in your career. We drill it into people’s heads that an upward trajectory at work is the primary marker of success. That is how you get more money, opportunity, and status.

That is great. The desire to move up is one of the prerequisites for advancing. But there is a lot to do to get there. Here are a few things to consider as you get started on your journey upward.

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

It can be easy to get impatient in your job—particularly early in your career. After a year in your job, you may already feel like it is time to get more responsibility. There are several reasons to take it slowly, though.

First, you wouldn’t actually want to be in an organization that promotes you too quickly. After all, what is going to happen to you when you get that job? You would like to have it for a while in order to fulfill your goals. If your organization is constantly pushing people up or out, then you won’t have time to achieve your goals in that position, either. It turns out to be a good thing that organizations change leadership slowly.

Second, your boss’s job probably involves using a lot of relationships. The higher up you go in an organization, the more that you have to work to get resources to accomplish goals. You have to navigate office politics to support your team. You are going to need time to develop relationships with other people in the company in order to work with them effectively to get what you want. If you don’t have the trust of other leaders in the organization, you are not going to have the support you require to succeed.

Third, your boss probably has to make a lot of tradeoffs. No organization has all the resources it needs for everything it would like to do. There is never enough time, money, personnel, or energy to address all of the problems and opportunities that are out there. As a result, organizations have to prioritize.

That process of trading one goal off against another is often invisible to people lower down the hierarchy. As a result, many decisions may feel like they are arbitrary, which is why you assume you would do them differently. As soon as you have your boss’s job, though, those tradeoffs become your job. And you will have to know how to balance the competing issues that draw on your resources.

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What Skill Sets do You have to be ‘Sharpened’ ?

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WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

If you want to move up, you need to understand what your new job will really entail. That means you have to address your current weaknesses.

Start by telling your boss you’re interested in moving up. You might think that by doing that, you are putting you and your boss in competition, But good supervisors know that an important part of the job is training the next generation of leaders. After all, they can’t be promoted if they can’t be replaced. Expressing a desire can get you into the mix for opportunities to learn about the next-level job.

Then, you need to be observant. What do people at the next level actually do? What meetings do they attend? See if you can get invited to attend some of those meetings as an observer so that you can see what issues are discussed and how they are handled.

Ask your boss a lot of questions about how and why decisions are made. If you do that in the context of wanting a promotion in the future, then these questions will be interpreted as requests for information rather than complaints about how things are currently done. That way, you can learn about the organization’s priorities and how resources are allocated. You may still find that you disagree with some decisions that get made, but if you understand why they are made as they are, you will be in a better position to try to do things differently after you get promoted.

Finally, start developing relationships with other leaders and supervisors in the company, and try to get some mentoring from them. Take them for coffee or ask for a brief meeting to ask a few key questions. The aim is to become a known quantity to other people you will have to work with when you do get a promotion. Once you get thrust into a new role, tasks will come at you quickly. You won’t have that much time to develop the relationships you need after you get into the role. You are better off developing those connections before you need them.

 

FastCompany.com | October 16, 2018

#Leadership : #Manager -Consider this Before you Become Friends with your #Boss ….Boss-Employee Relationships can be Complicated–Much More So than Between Colleagues Who are at the Same Level.

Back in the day, I worked full-time for an electronics company where I got to collaborate with fun, creative colleagues and help design some really interesting products. Not only were my coworkers great, but my boss was also a downright wonderful human being with whom I got along really well–so well, in fact, that we started spending time together outside the office.

That generally meant going out to lunch together a few times a week or grabbing the occasional drink after work, and I was good with that. But when I decided to host a barbecue for a bunch of friends one summer, I was torn as to whether I should include my boss on the guest list.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s faced the “befriend the boss or not” dilemma. And frankly, my conflict was understandable. Boss-employee friendships can be complicated, much more so than relationships with workplace peers.

Maybe it was the imbalance of power at play that made me uneasy. Maybe it was my fear that if I angered my boss on a personal level, it would translate into an unpleasant work situation. And that’s why I toyed with that guest list–and the greater issue at hand–for quite some time.


Related: These are 4 types of bosses you’ll have, and how to deal with them 


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TO BEFRIEND YOUR BOSS OR NOT: THAT IS THE QUESTION

Establishing a friendship with a manager certainly has its benefits. For one thing, the closer you grow outside the office, the better your boss is likely to treat you inside the office. That means you might get a bit more slack when it comes to things like pushing back deadlines, leaving early as needed, or working from home. And while your boss will probably claim not to play favorites, the next time a promotion comes up, there’s a good chance your name will make it to the top of the list.

There’s also something to be said for getting to work directly with someone you relate to on a personal level. We spend so much time at the office that having a boss you consider a friend could make for a much more pleasant, fulfilling experience.


Related: The emotionally intelligent way to give feedback to your boss


But then there’s the downside to look at. Being friends with your boss means automatically commingling your work life and personal life. That’s not necessarily a healthy thing. Plus, if a personal conflict does arise, you’ll have to worry about its impact on your career.

Even if things never sour with your boss, your coworkers might come to resent the fact that you and your manager are buddies. And that could strain those relationships and hurt your career in other ways.

So what’s the solution? Mine was to keep our friendship casual. I would continue to join my boss for lunch or happy hour, but for the most part, we only socialized during or immediately after working hours. I also made a point not to share too many details with him about my personal life, and now that I think about it, he was equally guarded.

And frankly, that arrangement worked out well for us. Had I invited my boss to hang out at my home, it would’ve crossed a line I just wasn’t comfortable with, so instead, we maintained what I like to call a low-grade friendship.

Several months later, my manager left the company, and we stayed in touch for a while until he moved away and our communications grew increasingly sporadic. But whenever his name comes up, I think fondly of the time I spent working for him, all the while being grateful that I had the good sense not to add his name to that guest list.

 

FastCompany.com | August 10, 2018 | BY MAURIE BACKMAN—THE MOTLEY FOOL 3 MINUTE READ