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#YourCareer : Is Dating A Coworker Really That Bad?: The Cost Of The Office Romance. Time to Dust Off the Old Employee Handbook.

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As TJ Holmes’ and Amy Robach’s absence from “GMA3: What You Need to Know” continues, many people have begged the question, “Is dating a coworker really that bad?”

For ABC News President Kim Godwin, the answer appears to be yes. The New York Times reported that Godwin called the co-anchors’ affair an “internal and external distraction” during an editorial call that took place shortly after The Daily Mail broke news about Robach and Holmes’ alleged relationship.

It makes sense ABC News doesn’t want to draw attention to an affair two married employees are having off-air. Less clear, though, is why Robach and Holmes were put on temporary leave, since, according to the New York Times, Godwin said their relationship didn’t violate company policy.

Holmes and Robach may have made headlines for their relationship, but they’re by no means the only coworkers who are trying their luck at dating. A 2022 study by the Society for Human Resource Management states 33% of U.S. workers report being in an office romance either currently or in the past. Despite the onset of remote work, this is 6 percentage points higher than the percent of U.S. workers involved in office relationships prior to 2020.

Global pandemic or not, it’s clear office romances aren’t going anywhere. But what are employees supposed to do when company policy is fuzzy – or nonexistent all together? Rom-coms may encourage you to follow your heart, but the workforce is a little more complicated than that. Dust off the employee handbook

Dust off the employee handbook

If you work for a company that has a rule preventing coworkers from dating, odds are you’ll find it in the employee handbook.

Some offices might prohibit dating altogether, while others may require employees to sign a contract stating the relationship is consensual. A relationship between two coworkers in different levels of power will likely face more scrutiny since it is more likely to lead to favoritism and sexual harassment.

As awkward as it might be to talk to your HR manager about your love life, company policy is, at the end of the day, still company policy – failure to abide by it can get you reprimanded or even fired.

 

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Actually consider what’s at risk

There’s a reason HR doesn’t want coworkers to date, and in most cases, it’s not because they anchor the 1 p.m. news together. Dating creates messes and no HR manager wants a mess that spills into the 40-hour work week. Distractions, uncomfortable work dynamics – these things may be some of the last thing on someone’s mind if they’ve been bitten by the love bug, but should a relationship end badly, they’re more than likely to happen.

Be honest with yourself about your ability to regulate your emotions

Some people have a more difficult time with breakups than others. If you’re one of them, be especially cautious about entering a relationship with a coworker. Running into an ex at the printer probably won’t make moving on from heartbreak any easier. Ask yourself: “How will my work life and love life be hindered by seeing an ex on a regular basis?”

Whether you’re currently in a relationship with a coworker or getting over a previous relationship, you need to remain professional in the office. If you can’t do that, start looking outside the office for a potential partner to date.

Reflect on where you’re at in your career

Dating a coworker often comes at a cost. Employers may be less likely to give promotions to employees involved in office relationships in fear that the employee has a conflict of interest. Employees dating their superior will face even more complications when it comes to getting a raise. Should they be promoted over someone else, people will assume favoritism likely played a role. This can lead to tension in the office that not only leads to complaints with HR, but also compromises the quality of the work being done.

A relationship that ends badly with a superior can also hinder an employee’s chances at moving up in their career, albeit in the opposite way. There’s no better post-break up retaliation than preventing an ex from getting the promotion they’ve spent the last several years working toward.

Take a long pause to think about your own goals and needs before opening the door to a potential relationship with a coworker. If you see yourself staying with the company long-term with the goal of and rising the ladder, it’s best to keep any romantic feelings you have on the back burner.

Wait it out

Is there really need to rush love? If you and your coworker are meant to be more than just friends, things will find a way to fall in place. Unfortunately, this may mean having to wait a few years until the situation changes. Timing is everything in life – including a cynical matchmaker.

 

Forbes.com Author: 
Ashley Stahl   Follow me on Twitter or LinkedIn. Check out my website.
Forbes.com | February 14, 2023

#Leadership : 8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before you Start Dating a Coworker… Since about One-Third of Human Life is Spent Working, it’s Not Unreasonable that Romances Occur in the Office

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We’ve all seen, experienced, or thought about office romances. Some say they’re a terrible idea (people might gossip, or things can get awkward at work if the relationship goes sour) — while others believe they make perfect sense (you’re with these people eight hours a day, and you know you have at least one thing in common). But what’s the real deal with interoffice dating?

Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and the author of “Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job,” says she hears this question all the time, and shared her thoughts on the topic with Business Insider.

“Modern thinking is that you spend so much time in the office and online that those are the most likely places you will meet Mr. or Ms. Right,” says Taylor. “Occasionally you’ll hear: the gym, supermarket, or Starbucks, because those may be the only other places you even have time to escape to outside the busy office these days.”

But since about one-third of human life is spent working, it’s not unreasonable that romances occur in the office, she adds. “And this is time spent with people we know — theoretically they’re not ax murderers.”

A survey from CareerBuilder revealed that nearly 40% of employees admitted to having a romantic relationship with a coworker, and almost one-third of office relationships result in marriage.

“Considering that there are some eight billion people on the planet, some question why anyone would choose an office mate for romance, with all the potential gossip, possibility of a job nightmare if things go south, terminations, and maybe even a lawsuit as icing on the cake,” Taylor explains.

But the fact of the matter is: Nobody knows when true love will strike. “It could happen in the break room just as easily as it could at your cousin’s wedding or at the tire store,” Taylor says. “Why put arbitrary parameters on something so important? Certainly there are endless cases of coworkers who have found love in the workplace and moved on to marry and live happily ever after.”

Ultimately, she says, the success of this path will depend on you, your partner, boss, workplace, and many other variables. And it’s up to you to decide whether the pros outweigh the cons — or if you’re better off steering clear of an office romance.

Before you flip the switch, here’s what you need to ask yourself:

1. Is this person in a direct supervisory or subordinate position?

If they are, stay away.

“Problems can result from dating a person in a subordinate or superior position,” says Taylor.

If your boss (who happens to be your partner) takes you to lunch or promotes you, people will claim it’s based on favoritism — not merit. (And it’s also a problem if you deserve to be promoted but your significant other doesn’t offer you the position because they fear people will think it’s an act of favoritism.)

“Also, remember this: If things go sour in your relationship with a subordinate, there may a claim of sexual harassment or hostile work environment,” she explains.

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2. What is the company’s policy on this? 

“The variation on corporate practices is so broad that you have employers with lenient policies, strict policies, and no policies, even at Fortune 500-sized companies,” Taylor says.

Some firms make a conscious choice not to incorporate them into their general “sexual harassment” policy. “Policy or no policy, lovehappens. So in the absence of written rules and/or in the interpretation of them, there’s one common barometer: your common sense. That must always prevail.” 

 

3. How closely do I work with this person?

Keeping your distance in another department, floor, or building will help keep things less awkward, messy, and challenging. “And if you are ever in a competitive situation, it takes that element out of the fray, too,” she adds.

 

4. Can I envision this relationship working?

Nobody can predict the viability of a relationship, but you should take time to envision it.

“Is it completely unrealistic? Do you have a lot in common? It could happen that spending time in a romantic relationship that began at work will bring you closer together because you share a common interest and can be a sounding board for each other. Only you can weigh whether you see more overall upside potential than downside,” Taylor says.

 

5. Have I considered the consequences?

Could this be a career-limiting move? Would I hate working here if things didn’t work out? Will I ruin relationships with friends in the office?

It’s hard to think about the relationship ending or how it might hurt your career when you’re newly in love and distracted by butterflies. But, it’s important that you carefully think about the pros and cons; the ramifications on your job and reputation, Taylor says.

“If things fall apart, to what extent could your career potentially be jeopardized? How much of your personal life could be the ‘keynote topic’ at the water cooler? Could your real thoughts about the new CEO get back to her just in time for your next review? Imagine that that one of you decides to move on — what would it be like to see that person every day?”

If these potential consequences make you feel uneasy or worried about your professional future, you probably shouldn’t pursue the relationship.

 

 6. Am I prepared to disclose the details of my relationship to my employer?

Some employee handbooks require you to describe the nature of your relationship in writing. Specifically, you could be asked whether there’s a conflict of interest with an employee (even independent contractors, clients, and vendors), Taylor explains.

“The employer’s goal is full transparency, your consent, and protection for employees and others from future allegations,” she says. “You may be warned verbally, or in a handbook or both, that anything interfering with work getting done can result in termination. So this is the fun part.”

 

7. Can we be discreet?

Only you and your partner know how you’ll handle this romantic adventure, e.g., if you’ll be bubbling over with excitement to the point where it could damage your concentration, distract others, or generally get in the way of your advancement.

“Every situation is different, but what matters is how both of you plan to navigate the tricky waters, and how your respective managers and fellow employees react,” Taylor says.

8. What would happen if they get promoted?

Now the rules change. You could suddenly be dating your supervisor, or just someone in management who has a direct or indirect say in decisions that affect your job, she explains. “Just assume you’ve inherited another layer of risk, with a boss/employee relationship being the worst outcome of all.”

 

Businessinsider.com | May 29, 2016 | 

 

 

Your #Career : How To Have A Successful Office Romance…Pause before you plunge. “Stop & Think about Yourself in Relation to the Other Person,”

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39% of Workers say They’ve Dated a Colleague at Some Point in their Careers. Nearly a Third say they Married the Person they Dated at Work. Studies show that  found that 64% of workers who have office relationships are public with them, compared with 46% nine years ago.

 

Chances are you’ve gotten it on with a colleague. According to a 2015 survey by the job search website CareerBuilder.com, 39% of workers say they’ve dated a colleague at some point in their careers. Nearly a third say they married the person they dated at work. Another career website, Vault.com, found that more than half, 51%, of respondents had dated a colleague at least once during their career.

The office seems to be a hotbed of romance–and a more effective one than dating websites or the corner bar. Helaine Olen, coauthor with Stephanie Losee of Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding–and Managing–Romance on the Job, says the workplace is where most people find love these days. “The office has turned into the village of the 21st century,” she says. “Where else do you spend 12 hours a day?”

And fewer workers are keeping their romances secret. CareerBuilder found that 64% of workers who have office relationships are public with them, compared with 46% nine years ago. The survey of 3,100 workers was conducted for CareerBuilder by Harris Interactive last November.

 

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While people are more relaxed about office dating than they were in the post-Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas 1990s, workplace romance is still fraught with peril. Worst-case scenario, says employment attorney Kathleen McKenna of New York’s Proskauer law firm: A boss-underling affair that goes south and results in a sexual harassment suit. Such suits are based on either a claim of a hostile work environment or a charge that there was f-me-or-you’re-fired quid pro quo harassment.

Which brings us to our first rule of office dating: Avoid a supervisor-supervisee relationship. Especially for the person in the supervisor’s seat, such a relationship is “criminally stupid,” says McKenna. “You might as well put a sign on your forehead that says, ‘Kick me here.’” McKenna acts mainly as a defense lawyer.

Edward Hernstadt, a plaintiff-side employment lawyer in New York, agrees. An employee can make a claim that she (it’s usually a she) wouldn’t have dated the boss if she hadn’t felt compelled. “The supervisor will say, ‘I just asked you to go on a date,’” says Hernstadt. “But the subordinate will say, ‘I felt I couldn’t say no.’”

If a supervisor and a subordinate just can’t resist each other, McKenna recommends that they sign what she calls a “cupid contract.” They should spell out in writing the fact that both are engaging in a consensual relationship. If the company has a sexual harassment policy, they should make it clear they understand the rules.

Helaine Olen agrees. “Set some ground rules you can use if the relationship flames out,” she advises. “It’s like a prenup for an office romance.”

“If you’re in heavy lust, you’ve got to slow down.” Kathleen McKenna agrees. “Think about the fact that 50% of marriages don’t make it,” she says. “The batting average for other relationships is much worse.”

One more piece of advice: Consider how you would feel if you lost your job. Everyone who has experienced heartbreak knows that proximity to an ex can be unbearable. All too often, say experts, failed office romances result in one person leaving the job.

“The possible consequences here are not just the loss of the person you’re gaga over,” says Schwartz. “It could mean the loss of your livelihood.”

Olen also suggests that the senior partner in the relationship step up and report the romance to the human resources department. In so doing the supervisor should volunteer to take the hit if the company decides the pair should no longer work together.

It’s far preferable to date someone outside your department. Connie Thanasoulis-Cerrachio, a career coach who has worked with companies including Merrill Lynch, Pfizer and Citigroup C -6.18%, recommends looking for love at office philanthropic activities and social events like softball games rather than in the neighboring cubicle.

Another piece of perhaps obvious but valuable advice: Pause before you plunge. “Stop and think about yourself in relation to the other person,” advises Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and the author of 16 books on dating and romance.

 

 Forbes.com | August 24, 2015 | Susan Adams