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Your #Career : These Are The Five #SoftSkills #Recruiters Want Most… Things like #TimeManagement & #Organization aren’t typically Taught in School, But they are Increasingly Important in Order to Be Competitive at Work.

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While education, degrees, and certification are important for scoring an interview, a new study by the HR software provider iCIMS finds that recruiters place a higher value on soft skills. From an ability to communicate well to being organized, these intangible qualities can be tough to measure, but they affect everything from productivity to collaboration.

“Hard skills are what you do, and soft skills are how you do it,” says Susan Vitale, chief marketing officer for iCIMS. “Unfortunately, one in three recruiting professionals believe job candidates’ soft skills have gotten worse in the past five years.”

The good news for both candidates and employers is everyone possesses some soft skills, says Jodi Chavez, president of the staffing firm Randstad Professionals. “The challenge is determining which are strongest, and which are most in-demand for certain roles,” she says. “Companies can train employees in technical skills. Soft skills, on the other hand, are far harder to teach, which is why, in a low unemployment market, companies should be looking to hire for soft skills and train for technical skills.”

If you’re looking for a new job, these are the top-five soft skills recruiters are looking for:

1. PROBLEM SOLVING

The most important soft skill was the ability to solve problems, with 62% of recruiters seeking people who can find solutions, according to iCIMS. This soft skill was also the most important for the employee who wants to work in management.

“Problem solving isn’t practiced as much today as it once was,” says Vitale. “You can go to Google for answers, and we’re not challenged the way we used to be.”

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2. ADAPTABILITY

The second most important soft skill is adaptability, with 49% of recruiters looking for this trait. This skill was ranked as very important for entry-level positions.

“Larger organizations value problem solving and adaptability the most,” says Vitale.

3. TIME MANAGEMENT

The third soft skill in demand is an ability to successfully manage time, with 48% of recruiters placing importance on this characteristic.

“Entry-level workers often come out of the gate being poor at time management, but they can learn strategies on how to run their day,” says Vitale. “It’s most important in smaller organizations, because you have to pivot and wear many hats.”

4. ORGANIZATION

Being organized is the fourth most sought-after soft skill, with 39% of recruiters ranking it as desirable. It’s often demonstrated in your behavior during the interview process. The most common mistakes, according to the study, include showing up late, forgetting to thank the interviewer, and forgetting the interviewer’s name.

5. ORAL COMMUNICATION

Finally, the ability to speak in public and communicate with others is the fifth most valued soft skill, with 38% of recruiters looking for this skill.

“Good communication skills are, of course, essential,” says Chavez. “Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings and even slow down the workflow, preventing a company from moving forward.”

ROLE AND INDUSTRY

While soft skills are important in nearly every job, they can be role specific, says Chavez. “In a management position where the role requires one to lead a team, deliver on a project, or drive results, soft skills like emotional intelligence and teamwork are most important,” she says. “However, in roles where someone might work remotely from home, the key soft skills would be adaptability, communication and multitasking.”

The iCIMS study found that certain fields look for soft skills more than others, such as people who work in customer service, human resources, and sales/marketing. For technical jobs, they aren’t as vital. Nearly 1 in 5 of recruiters for IT jobs think soft skills are more important than hard skills, and 24% of recruiters weigh soft skills over hard skills for R&D jobs.

“I want my doctor to have hard skills first and soft skills next,” says Vitale. “But if they’re lacking in soft skills, I might not return.”

HOW TO CONVEY YOUR SOFT SKILLS

While we all have soft skills, demonstrating them during the job application process can be a challenge. “They don’t come across on a resume because there’s no certification,” says Vitale.

Be sure to highlight your strengths by using searchable keywords in your job description. “Whether a candidate lists their soft skills all together or breaks them out under the individual positions in which they honed them, it’s essential to include them somewhere,” says Chavez.

Recruiters will also use the screening processes to look for soft skills, so be prepared. Prior to an interview, come up with a short list of your strongest soft skills and be ready to share a few specific examples of when you showcased them in the workplace, Chavez suggests.

“For instance, talk about a time when your communication skills clarified a misunderstanding, or discuss how your leadership style came into play when they took charge of a negative situation and turned it into a positive one,” she says. “Candidates must also emphasize their ability to work well with others and should refrain from speaking poorly of a previous or current employer or company, as it will never reflect positively on them.”

Don’t be afraid to ask a recruiter which soft skills the organizations values most, adds Vitale. “Most employers fall down when it comes to transparency, and they aren’t saying out of the gate what they want,” she says. “Not all call them soft skills; sometimes they describe core competencies or workplace culture.”

In the end, candidates need to be cheerleaders for themselves, says Chavez. “Shift the conversation to highlight your soft skills even if an interviewer does not specifically ask,” she says.

FastCompany.com | January 26, 2018 | BY STEPHANIE VOZZA 4 MINUTE READ

#Leadership : The Better Way To Break Bad News…The Bad News is That you’re Probably Breaking Bad News the Wrong Way. The Good News: These Four Steps can Fix That.

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 Here’s some bad news: You’re probably delivering bad news the wrong way. Every company, team, and manager hits setbacks, and it’s always somebody’s job to break the unpleasant news to others. But the way to talk about even the toughest turns for the worse isn’t simply to put a falsely positive spin on what went wrong and what it means.
free- man teaching class
Keep the negatives to a quarter or, at most, a third of the conversation.

Sharing upbeat stories is easy, after all. We like giving and receiving praise. So it makes sense why some leaders tend to downplay the consequences of bad news or withhold it altogether until it’s too late. Instead, there are ways to have difficult conversations with your team that leave them with an accurate grip on the facts while still motivating everyone to take the initiative and bounce back. Here are a few tips.

1. LIMIT YOUR NEGATIVE LANGUAGE

When you’re discussing setbacks with your team, be careful not to use negative expressions—like “can’t” or “won’t”—that sound too categorical. For instance, instead of announcing, “I can’t get the budget for this project,” try, “Our current funding levels mean that we’ll all have to be more resourceful, starting with the project we’re working on right now.” Both convey the predicament accurately, but one frames it like a dead end, while the other points the way forward.

This goes for news concerning individuals, too. Rather than saying, “I won’t be promoting you into this new position,” you can simply say, “I’ve thought about it, and keeping you in your present role makes more sense to me right now.” Between the lines, it’s the difference between, “Sorry, deal with it!” and “This is where things stand for the moment, but they can change.”

Another word to watch for is “no”—as in “no way,” “no problem,” “no good,” “that’s a ‘no’,” or “I have no idea.” Instead, use “yes” and other positives like, “yes, there’s a way to do it” and “I do have an idea about how to work through this.” Instead of talking about “problems,” talk about “challenges”; instead of “obstacles,” “opportunities.”

Again, this doesn’t mean cloaking bad news in euphemisms—it means focusing on their consequences and your collective response to them.

 

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2. MAKE SURE IT ISN’T PERSONAL

Always avoid personal barbs. Most managers know it’s totally unprofessional to tell a direct report, “That was stupid of you,” but many express their displeasure with phrases like, “you disappointed me” or “you let me down.” Fair enough—you’re only being honest.

But don’t forget that these expressions can still hurt people and make it harder for them to do better. They subtly brand people as untrustworthy and tear down the very self-confidence they’ll need in order to do better next time. Personal insults, however watered down, are counterproductive. You’ll more often than not end up with angry team members who function well below their potential.

Don’t throw darts at other people who aren’t in the room, either. It may be tempting to find a target to criticize when things go wrong (and sometimes it really is your client’s fault), but if you offload the blame to others, you immediately undercut your own team’s ability to take ownership and fix the problem. Saying that a customer who didn’t accept your team’s proposal is a “jerk” or “power hungry” sets a bad example in organizations where cooperation is paramount.

3. SPEND MORE TIME ON THE HIGH GROUND

Think of every conversation as covering a certain amount of “terrain.” It’s okay to spend some time wandering around on the low ground, but you’ll want to scramble up to the heights eventually—and loiter there longer. During tough times, the negative tends to dominate, getting bigger and bigger as it all rolls downhill.

That’s all the more reason why leaders need to keep the negatives to a minimum and keep the conversation firmly rooted to the higher ground. Naturally, you want to be open and transparent if there’s been a problem. State the situation as clearly as you can (without being accusatory), but once you’ve identified the issue, focus on the solutions, teamwork, collaboration, and what the future can look like if you pull together.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: Keep the negatives to a quarter or, at most, a third of the conversation. And don’t let others draw you back into the weeds. Your team members may need to express their frustration and pessimism at first, but it’s your job as their boss to help everyone pull themselves up by their bootstraps. By the end of the conversation, all parties should be looking ahead.

4. END ON AN UPSIDE

When crafting your message, start with the negative and end with the positive. You might say, “Last year was tough —with our sales numbers were below what we’d expected—but I’m confident we can make up that loss and reach our goals for this year.” Similarly, if you’re heading into a client pitch, you’d be foolish to say to your boss, “That’s one tough customer. He’s never open to any of our new products.” It’s better to say, “This will be pretty challenging, but I’ll give it my all.”

Never forget to make this transition. If you’re announcing layoffs, don’t hit your listeners with, “This is a really hard day for all of us—for you, for me, and for our company.” Indeed it is! But statements like that may only make a bad situation worse; after all, is it really equally bad for the people who are keeping their jobs as it is for those who are losing them?

Instead, realistically present the situation, and then move toward a solution, ending on a positive. For example, “I have some sobering news to share that will affect all of you. But I want to share it with you myself so we can work through it together as a team.” The difference here isn’t dramatic—bad news is bad news—but it helps to lay the groundwork of encouragement and openness to talk honestly about what’s happening and why.

That’s something the best leaders always do—in good times and bad.

 

FastCompany.com | JUDITH HUMPHREY  | 12.14.16 5:00 AM

 

Your #Career : 15 Grammar Tips to Make You Smarter, From the World’s Coolest Word Nerd Mignon Fogarty is the Grammar Girl. And She is Awesome.

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Does this sentence need another comma?  What’s the difference between emoticons and emoji?  How do I make product names (like the iPhone 7 or 6s) plural?  That’s a sample of questions that Mignon Fogarty, a.k.a. “Grammar Girl,” answers on a weekly basis.

girl-typing-on-computer-5

 Fogarty is the founder and managing director of Quick and Dirty Tips, an advice blog that offers short, actionable advice from friendly and informed authorities to “help you succeed at work and in life.” (Grammar Girl is one of the columns on the site.) She’s also the author of The New York Times bestseller Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing, and has appeared on nationally syndicated television as an English-language expert.

I discovered Grammar Girl years ago when googling a question, and was quickly enamored with Fogarty’s ability to make topics like punctuation, syntax and sentence structure entertaining and…dare I say? Fun.

She presents a stark contrast to her archenemy, “the evil Grammar Maven, who inspires terror in the untrained and is neither friendly nor helpful.”

So, if you’re looking to increase your grammar prowess, here are a few of Grammar Girl’s top tips:

1. Who or whom

“Like whom, the pronoun him ends with the letter M. When you’re trying to decide whether to use who or whom, ask yourself if the hypothetical answer to the question would contain he or him. If it’s him, you use whom, and they both end with M.”

2. Alright vs. all right

“Alright” may be a common spelling, but it’s wrong.

“Nearly all usage guides condemn ‘alright’ (written as one word), but it occasionally shows up in the work of respected writers and many average people think it’s fine, or even the preferred spelling,” writes Fogarty.

Of course, Grammar Girl acknowledges that the pressure to save space in status updates and text messages means “alright” is likely to gain currency rather than fade–but if you want your work to appear professional, stick with “all right.”

 

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3. One or two spaces after a period

Until a few years ago, I was one of the millions who use two spaces after a period–because that’s what we were taught in typing class.

But nowadays, it’s wrong.

“The Chicago Manual of Style, the US Government Printing Office Style Manual, and the AP Stylebook are just a few of the style guides that recommend one space after a period,” writes Fogarty.

Why? The complete explanation is complicated, but basically it comes down to this: Certain typewriter fonts needed two spaces after a sentence for good readability, but the transition to computers and modern word processing eliminated that need. (Get the whole story in the link above.)

4. E.g. vs. i.e.

Here’s the original question that introduced me to Grammar Girl, as I couldn’t remember the difference between these two Latin expressions. E.g. stands for exempli gratia, or “for example.” I.e. stands for id est and roughly means “that is” or “in other words.” (One trick is to remember e.g. as “example given” and i.e. as “in essence.”)

Fogarty’s examples make it all clear:

E.g. means “for example,” so you use it to introduce an example: I like card games, e.g., bridge and crazy eights. Because I used e.g., you know that I have given you a list of examples of card games that I like. It’s not a finite list of all card games I like; it’s just a few examples.

On the other hand, i.e. means “in other words,” so you use it to introduce a further clarification: I like to play cards, i.e., bridge and crazy eights. Because I used i.e., which introduces a clarification, you know that these are the only card games that I enjoy.

5. Affect and effect

“By far the most requested grammar topic,” writes Fogarty. “Most of the time ‘affect’ is a verb and ‘effect’ is a noun, but there are exceptions.”

Ergo, a four-page explanation including an example, a memory trick, and a cartoon to help you remember when to use each appropriately–found at the above link.

6. Compliment vs. complement

As you may realize, a compliment is a kind or flattering remark whereas a complement is a full crew or set (i.e., when something complements something else, it means they go well together).

But how do you remember the difference?

Grammar Girl’s quick and dirty trick: “To remember the difference between the spellings of these words, be a nice person and tell yourself: I like to give compliments. Put the emphasis on the I when you say or think it. The I can remind you that the type of flattering compliment is spelled with an i.”

7. Systemic or systematic

Fogarty breaks down these two words with different meanings (although both related to the word “system”):

Systemic describes something that happens or exists throughout a whole system. (The new police chief had to address systemic corruption.)

Systematic describes something that was thorough and intentional, methodical, or implemented according to a plan. (Ending systematic discrimination was his first goal.)”

8. Deep-seeded or deep-seated

The correct phrase is deep-seated…although the way we use the word seat has changed over the years, so the confusion is understandable. (Complete explanation found at the above link.)

9. Done vs. finished

“You may have been taught that you shouldn’t use done to mean ‘finished,’ but it’s not that simple,” writes Fogarty. “The ‘rule’ against done has been widely taught in schools, but no historical pattern or logic supports it, and most credible modern usage guides either don’t address it at all…or simply note that done and finished are interchangeable.”

So after your meal, you’re both done and finished. And so is the turkey.

10. Further vs. farther

“The quick and dirty tip is to use ‘farther’ for physical distance and ‘further’ for metaphorical, or figurative, distance. It’s easy to remember because ‘farther’ has the word ‘far’ in it, and ‘far’ obviously relates to physical distance.” (Check out the link for examples.)

11. Anyway or anyways

Anyway is correct. Anyways, although increasingly more common, is wrong in that “wouldn’t want to use it in a job application or a school essay” type of way.

12. Sightseeing or siteseeing

It’s sightseeing–but to find out why you’ve got to go back into history. (Fogarty explains in the link.)

13. On accident or by accident

One of my favorite grammar pieces ever, this one illustrates how quickly language can change–and raises some interesting questions about what makes an expression “right” or “wrong.”

The short answer: Most usage guides cite “on accident” as an error…but according to a research study, usage of the two different versions is influenced by your age. “Whereas ‘on accident’ is common in people under 40 or so, almost everyone who is older than that today says ‘by accident.'”

14. Is ‘funnest’ a word?

Steve Jobs used it. So, yes.

(Just kidding…there’s a little more to it. Check out the link.)

15. Quotation marks

Want a guide to using quotation marks in combination with other punctuation? It’s too complex to summarize here; instead, check out Grammar Girl’s explanation in the link.

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The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.
PUBLISHED ON: NOV 22, 2016
By Justin Bariso

Founder, Insight

#Leadership : 5 Common Communication Misfires (And How To Avoid Them)…Tech enables Faster Communication, But that Also Means there’s a Greater Chance to Say Something you Didn’t Intend.

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Miscommunication happens frequently in life and work, partly because technology allows us to communicate faster, but not necessarily better. While some miscommunications are merely annoying, others can create conflict or be a disrupting influence in relationships.
Free- Iphone with Gadgets

Based on being both the giver and the recipient of unintended communication gaffes, here are five reasons why I believe they occur, and what to do to prevent them in the future.

1. WHAT YOU ARE THINKING MAKES NO SENSE TO ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU

Writing or verbalizing what we’re thinking can be challenging, especially if we’re trying to multitask when we shouldn’t.

My team suffers a lot from this when I delegate a task and expect them to know exactly what’s going on in my brain.

The solution is to let others know everything you’re thinking, even if you’re not completely clear on it yourself. The idea is for you to work ideas out together, so you can reach the best possible outcome. I also like to verbalize my instructions as well as write them down in a recap, so others know exactly what I mean. Over the years, this has helped me sound a lot less like a jerk.

 

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2. YOU ARE SAYING TOO MUCH AND MAKING THINGS MORE COMPLICATED

In my first business partnership, I would do a brain dump that included things that didn’t need to be said. This not only caused miscommunication, but it also ultimately ended our working arrangement.

I’ve also noticed this occurs with the creative people who have a tendency to cloud their main point with a lot of words that complicates their message.

To master the fine art of getting to the point, write down what you want to say, then start to trim it back until you can create as simple a message without losing the primary idea. You most likely don’t need adjectives or exclamatory phrases to get your point across.

3. YOU AREN’T CONTROLLING THE TONE OF YOUR MESSAGE

While overthinking your message rarely results in better communication, it’s important to remember that you don’t have any control over what’s happening on the receiving end. If that person is already in a bad mood, they may read something in a way you never intended. Although you can’t control the reaction of the receiver, you can make a concerted effort to take any emotion out of a communication and keep a professional tone in all business communications.

I personally always remember, “You can say anything to anyone, but how you say it will dictate whether you get a positive or negative reaction.”

4. YOU’RE USING TEXTING SHORTCUTS OR EMOJIS TO REPLACE WORDS

I’ve used a smiley face to let the person on the other end know I’m pleased with their message. However, when I start seeing texting shortcuts and emojis I’m not familiar with, I don’t know how to take what the person is saying, and I certainly don’t have time to go look up their cutesy emoji.

I was angry one day with an employee. Later that day, when I thought everything had settled down and was okay, she sent me a text with a string of emojis of a baby, baby bottle, a hospital, and a pink bow. I thought, “Oh, so the little snot is calling me a baby! She surely should know it was not wise to call the boss a baby!”

In another conversation over the phone, someone told me how happy that employee was because she had just found out that day about my new baby daughter. But my temper had flared, and I nearly fired her over a message that she intended to be sweet.

Even if you’re well-versed in emoji etiquette, you shouldn’t assume that everyone will know the intent and meaning of acronyms and graphics. Stick to professional language and save the shortcuts for your best buddies.

5. YOU MAKE TOO MANY ASSUMPTIONS

There are times when people don’t really listen because they think they already know what the person is going to say, or they are busy preparing their own answer. The same idea applies when you assume you know what a person means in their email or text message without actually really reading it for context. It could be that you are tired, emotional, or distracted, or the messages could be coming from someone at work that you don’t necessarily like.

Slow down and read a message more than once while clearing out your assumptions. Focus, reflect, and then read it again before you draw conclusions. If you are still not sure, ask questions to make sure you understood the message correctly. I find people with this skill can be hidden leaders in my company.

Effective communication takes practice. I know haven’t perfected it yet. I do take a step back from a message that made me angry in order to give the person the benefit of the doubt. And I keep these reasons for miscommunication to remind me to take more care in how I read, write, and verbalize what I am sending out or receiving.

 

FastCompany.com | JOHN RAMPTON  | 11.07.16 5:00 AM

#Leadership : Are You Hurting Your Career With Corporate Jargon?…When we have to Dedicate Time & Energy towards Figuring out What someone is actually Talking About, we(your Team) is Inherently taking Away Time & Energy we Could be Putting Towards our Work.

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Mindshare? Sticky wicket? Straw man? Power alley? Can you improve your credibility and achieve better results simply by eliminating corporate jargon from your vocabulary?

Elegant business partners holding blank papers on green background

James Sudakow had declared war on the use of stupid corporate lingo. In his new book, Picking the Low Hanging Fruit…and Other Stupid Stuff We Say in the Corporate World, Sudakow not only advocates for speaking in plain English for his own sanity but articulates compelling reasons why doing so can have positive impacts on the work you do, the relationships you form, and even counterintuitively can help you be perceived as more credible.

Having held leadership roles in multi-billion dollar global technology companies and now serving as the Principal of CH Consulting–a boutique organizational transformation and talent management consulting practice–James is no stranger to the perils of swimming through murky jargon and the unintended consequences of its overuse.

If you are a leader of people, ask your teams for help monitoring your corporate jargon violations. It will likely be met with enthusiasm and move you one step further on the path of relatability. Corporate jargon bingo, anyone?

Picking the Low Hanging Fruit is a humorous glossary where we find strange but surprisingly common business expressions from burning platforms and paradigm shifts, to tissue rejection and open kimonos. Sudakow defines these terms and takes a witty jab at the corporate culture by calling out exactly what these terms do not mean, and also sites real examples from his own experiences that show the consequences of overusing these expressions.

People might not understand as much of what you are saying as you think

Most of us move so quickly in the corporate world that we might not recognize that the number of employees who are scratching their heads and simply don’t understand these expressions is larger than we think. As a young consultant working for a Big 4 global consulting firm, Sudakow would find himself sitting quietly in a state of confusion but hesitant to mention that he was lost.

“We all figure it out sooner or later. But why put ourselves through that?” Sudakow states. “Figuring out how to do the work amidst corporate politics and culture is hard enough without throwing a language barrier into the gauntlet.”

When we have to dedicate time and energy towards figuring out what someone is actually talking about, we are inherently taking away time and energy we could be putting towards our work.

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Relatability and Credibility–Corporate jargon doesn’t help

It doesn’t stop with simply not being understood. Credibility is at stake. In some ways, the credibility of the person using the terms can be damaged because his or her language feels inauthentic and doesn’t connect or resonate with people—even if the speaker actually has something very valuable to say.

Why is this so important? More and more have been written recently about the importance for leaders, in particular, to be relatable to their people–this relatability serving as a way to build common ground with the very teams they are asking a lot of. Many factors contribute to how successfully anyone can be in their goal of becoming a relatable leader or colleague, but overusing corporate jargon doesn’t establish anyone as “the common person.” It’s much more powerful to speak in plain English.

So what can we do about it?

Think about what you might say if you were talking to friends outside of work where corporate jargon simply wouldn’t fit. When preparing for formal presentations to groups, think about where you might slip into a corporate jargon violation and think about how you might replace it with a normal word.

 If you are a leader of people, ask your teams for help monitoring your corporate jargon violations. It will likely be met with enthusiasm and move you one step further on the path of relatability. Corporate jargon bingo, anyone? At the very least, be a good corporate citizen and help someone who might be a corporate jargon abuser by simply pulling him or her aside and constructively mentioning that the message might have resonated better in plain English.

For many of us, using corporate jargon has simply become a habit resulting from being immersed in the corporate world. In Picking the Low Hanging Fruit…and Other Stupid Stuff We Say in the Corporate World, Sudakow helps us understand in a fun and lighthearted way that the words we choose are important and that we can all make ourselves better understood by staying away from jargon.

Forbes.com | June 17, 2016 |  Kevin Kruse

#Strategy : How to Immediately Connect With Anyone…Try these Tips the Next Time you Meet Someone New, & Watch a Superficial Conversation Turn into a Real Connection.

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Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that the ability to connect with others is a natural, unteachable trait that belongs to only a lucky few. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, this ability is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

Free- Women Glass of Red Wine

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that the ability to connect with others is a natural, unteachable trait that belongs to only a lucky few. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, this ability is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

Research conducted by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA shows that being social and connecting with others is as fundamental a human need as food, shelter, and water. For example, Lieberman discovered that we feel social pain, such as the loss of a relationship, in the same part of the brain that we feel physical pain.

The primary function of this brain area is to alert us to threats to our survival. It makes you realize how powerful and important social connection is. We’re hard wired to be social creatures.

MRIs of the brain show that social thinking and analytical thinking involve entirely different neural networks and that they operate something like a seesaw. When you engage in analytical thinking, the social part of your brain quiets down, but as soon as you’re finished, the social network springs back to life.

 

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Related: 10 Communication Secrets of Great Leaders

The social brain is the end of the seesaw where the fat kid sits; it’s our brain’s default setting.

Given that social connection is such a fundamental human need, you’d think that it would be easy to connect with everyone we meet. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Against our own self-interest, we get bogged down by shyness, self-consciousness, cynicism, pride, competitiveness, jealousy, and arrogance.

If you can get that baggage out of the way, you can connect with anyone—even those who are still holding on to their own. Here are some tips that will help you to connect instantly with everyone you meet.

Leave a strong first impression.

Research shows that most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this, you can take advantage of it to connect with anyone.

First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation. It’s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say.

Be the first to venture beyond the superficial.

Our first conversation or two with a new acquaintance tends to be pretty superficial. We portray a careful picture of ourselves, and we stick to nice, safe topics. We talk about the weather and people we know in common and share the most basic details about ourselves. But if you really want to connect with somebody, try upping the ante and revealing the real you. You don’t need to get too personal, but it’s important to let the other person know what you’re passionate about. Most of the time, if you open up, the other person will follow your lead and do the same.

Ask good questions. If the other person seems hesitant to open up, encourage them to do so by asking substantial questions. “What do you do?” doesn’t further the relationship nearly as much as, “Why did you choose your profession?” Search for questions that will help you to understand what makes the other person tick, without getting too personal.

Learn from them.

In the course of his research, Lieberman concluded that our educational system would be much more effective if we tapped into the social side of learning, rather than trying to squash it. For example, the best way to help an eighth-grader struggling with math would be to have him get help from another student. Apply that same principle to your life, and be willing to learn from the person you’re trying to connect with. Not only does that make them feel more bonded to you, it makes them feel important. It also shows that you’re willing to be vulnerable and aren’t too proud to admit that you have much to learn.

Related: 15 Body Language Secrets of Successful People

Don’t make them regret removing the mask.

If your new acquaintance does you the honor of opening up, don’t make them regret it. Sarcasm, criticism, or jokes that might make the other person feel judged for what they’ve shared are major faux paus. Instead, empathize with their approach to life, which you can do even if you don’t agree with their beliefs, and then reciprocate by revealing more about yourself.

Look for the good in them.

Our culture can often predispose us toward cynicism. We seem to focus on finding reasons not to like people instead of reasons to like them. Shut that cynical voice off, and concentrate on looking for the good in a new acquaintance. For one thing, that keeps you from writing someone off too soon, but more importantly, when you expect the best from people, they’re likely to deliver it.

Smile.

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good about you as a result.

Use their name.

Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it. You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet them. Research shows that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask their name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep their name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you see them.

Follow the platinum rule.

We all know the golden rule, and it’s pretty easy to follow. The platinum rule is harder to follow because it requires us to treat people the way they want to be treated. Not only does doing so make the other person more comfortable—and therefore more likely to open up—but it also proves that you’ve been listening and have really heard what they’ve been telling you. And that shows extra effort on your part.

Don’t make it a contest.

We’ve all seen the stereotypical sit-com scene where two guys in a bar spend the night trying to one-up each other. The same thing happens when you meet someone new. Their accomplishments and life experience sneak up on you and make you feel the urge to make yourself look just as good (if not better). Doing so may stroke your ego, but it doesn’t help you to connect with them. It keeps you focused on yourself when you should be trying to learn about them and find common ground.

Turn off your inner voice.

One giant thing that keeps us from connecting with other people is that we don’t really listen. Instead, we’re thinking while the other person is talking. We’re so focused on what we’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect us down the road that we fail to hear what’s really being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.

You must turn off this inner voice if you want to connect deeply with people. So what if you forget what you were going to say or if the conversation moves in a different direction before you have a chance to make your point. If your real goal is to connect with a person, you have to shut off your own soundtrack long enough to focus on what they’re telling you.

Bringing it all together

The good news is that we’re programmed to connect with each other; we just keep getting in our own way. Try these tips the next time you meet someone new, and watch a superficial conversation turn into a real connection.

Related: 12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently

Research conducted by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA shows that being social and connecting with others is as fundamental a human need as food, shelter, and water. For example, Lieberman discovered that we feel social pain, such as the loss of a relationship, in the same part of the brain that we feel physical pain.

The primary function of this brain area is to alert us to threats to our survival. It makes you realize how powerful and important social connection is. We’re hard wired to be social creatures.

MRIs of the brain show that social thinking and analytical thinking involve entirely different neural networks and that they operate something like a seesaw. When you engage in analytical thinking, the social part of your brain quiets down, but as soon as you’re finished, the social network springs back to life.

Related: 10 Communication Secrets of Great Leaders

The social brain is the end of the seesaw where the fat kid sits; it’s our brain’s default setting.

Given that social connection is such a fundamental human need, you’d think that it would be easy to connect with everyone we meet. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Against our own self-interest, we get bogged down by shyness, self-consciousness, cynicism, pride, competitiveness, jealousy, and arrogance.

If you can get that baggage out of the way, you can connect with anyone—even those who are still holding on to their own. Here are some tips that will help you to connect instantly with everyone you meet.

Leave a strong first impression.

Research shows that most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this, you can take advantage of it to connect with anyone.

First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation. It’s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say.

Be the first to venture beyond the superficial.

Our first conversation or two with a new acquaintance tends to be pretty superficial. We portray a careful picture of ourselves, and we stick to nice, safe topics. We talk about the weather and people we know in common and share the most basic details about ourselves. But if you really want to connect with somebody, try upping the ante and revealing the real you. You don’t need to get too personal, but it’s important to let the other person know what you’re passionate about. Most of the time, if you open up, the other person will follow your lead and do the same.

Ask good questions. If the other person seems hesitant to open up, encourage them to do so by asking substantial questions. “What do you do?” doesn’t further the relationship nearly as much as, “Why did you choose your profession?” Search for questions that will help you to understand what makes the other person tick, without getting too personal.

Learn from them.

In the course of his research, Lieberman concluded that our educational system would be much more effective if we tapped into the social side of learning, rather than trying to squash it. For example, the best way to help an eighth-grader struggling with math would be to have him get help from another student. Apply that same principle to your life, and be willing to learn from the person you’re trying to connect with. Not only does that make them feel more bonded to you, it makes them feel important. It also shows that you’re willing to be vulnerable and aren’t too proud to admit that you have much to learn.

Related: 15 Body Language Secrets of Successful People

Don’t make them regret removing the mask.

If your new acquaintance does you the honor of opening up, don’t make them regret it. Sarcasm, criticism, or jokes that might make the other person feel judged for what they’ve shared are major faux paus. Instead, empathize with their approach to life, which you can do even if you don’t agree with their beliefs, and then reciprocate by revealing more about yourself.

Look for the good in them.

Our culture can often predispose us toward cynicism. We seem to focus on finding reasons not to like people instead of reasons to like them. Shut that cynical voice off, and concentrate on looking for the good in a new acquaintance. For one thing, that keeps you from writing someone off too soon, but more importantly, when you expect the best from people, they’re likely to deliver it.

Smile.

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good about you as a result.

Use their name.

Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it. You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet them. Research shows that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask their name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep their name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you see them.

Follow the platinum rule.

We all know the golden rule, and it’s pretty easy to follow. The platinum rule is harder to follow because it requires us to treat people the way they want to be treated. Not only does doing so make the other person more comfortable—and therefore more likely to open up—but it also proves that you’ve been listening and have really heard what they’ve been telling you. And that shows extra effort on your part.

Don’t make it a contest.

We’ve all seen the stereotypical sit-com scene where two guys in a bar spend the night trying to one-up each other. The same thing happens when you meet someone new. Their accomplishments and life experience sneak up on you and make you feel the urge to make yourself look just as good (if not better). Doing so may stroke your ego, but it doesn’t help you to connect with them. It keeps you focused on yourself when you should be trying to learn about them and find common ground.

Turn off your inner voice.

One giant thing that keeps us from connecting with other people is that we don’t really listen. Instead, we’re thinking while the other person is talking. We’re so focused on what we’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect us down the road that we fail to hear what’s really being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.

You must turn off this inner voice if you want to connect deeply with people. So what if you forget what you were going to say or if the conversation moves in a different direction before you have a chance to make your point. If your real goal is to connect with a person, you have to shut off your own soundtrack long enough to focus on what they’re telling you.

Bringing it all together

The good news is that we’re programmed to connect with each other; we just keep getting in our own way. Try these tips the next time you meet someone new, and watch a superficial conversation turn into a real connection.

Related: 12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently

 

Entrepreneur.com  |  Travis Bradberry

#BestofFSCBlog : #Leadership – 7 #LeadershipMistakes To Avoid. Great REAd!

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It’s that time of year again—time for everyone, young and old, to make resolutions to better themselves in the upcoming year. And, taking a look at the resolutions lists we write, a lot of people tend to focus on positive “dos”—actions to take or new habits to form so that their health, attitude, or workplace is better in 2016. But undertaking a new action isn’t always quite enough to net a positive change. Think of it this way: just because you’ve resolved to take the stairs every day doesn’t mean you’ll lose very much weight if you don’t ditch your afternoon Snickers bar.

So we’ve got a different take on resolutions. What if you focus on breaking old bad habits instead? We’ve compiled a list of mistakes you won’t want to make next year if being a better leader is on your list of resolutions, and we challenge you to avoid these seven leadership mishaps throughout 2016. Your team (and company) will thank you.

1. Only focusing on the big picture

It’s true—great leaders communicate the big picture vision. It’s how they inspire people to strive for goals that are far off into the future, or still somewhat vague. But the best leaders also know that it’s a rookie mistake to fail to outline small goals for their people to achieve along the way. Creating smaller milestones helps leaders measure progress and reward results as the big picture comes more into focus. Don’t make the mistake of only communicating the high-level vision. Instead, plan out a path to success so your team has a roadmap instead of just a destination.

 

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2. Not delegating the work

This one’s a classic. Everyone’s had at least one micro-managing boss who is overly absorbed in small details and too controlling to allow team members to take the reigns. Avoid this pitfall by delegating work smartly. Give team members assignments according to their interest and expertise—or, even try letting them volunteer for tasks themselves. It will communicate your trust to the team, and alleviate tensions that result from heavy-handed management.

3. Failing to applaud small wins

Every big win is an accumulation of many smaller wins. So why would you let those everyday successes slip by unnoticed? Keep a stack of cards at your desk so you can write a thank-you note when someone goes above and beyond for you. Bring in a treat for the team when you know they’ve been pulling some extra weight. Your appreciation will go a long way. In fact, research shows that timely, meaningful recognition is the no. 1 thing that empowers employees to do great work.

4. Communicating poorly

There are a lot of ways to fall in this category. Wordy emails, lack of transparency and oversight, not having an open door policy…these are all surefire ways to be a bad communicator. Work on your communication skills—from your management style to your attitude—and you’ll see a transformation happen within the team. Leaders who are good communicators inspire action and innovation, and foster the kind of teamwork and creativity that drive results.

5. Setting yourself apart

The worst leaders are the ones who believe they’re better than everyone else—and they don’t bother to hide it. To avoid giving this impression, take the time to get to know teammates. Learn about who they are, their families and passions, and what drives them. Organize team lunches and team building activities. You could even simply move out of your corner office so that you’re closer to the team in the work environment. When teams know and trust one another, great things happen. And the first step to getting there is leading by example, and showing that teamwork and camaraderie are priorities.

6. Discouraging innovation

Maybe you try to be supportive of creativity, or you encourage team members to weigh in on important decisions. You may think that you’re fostering innovation. But if you’re not giving people room to tinker, try things out, and make mistakes, then you’re not really opening the door to true innovation. Be vocal about which projects your team can take their time on and really try to innovate new solutions for—and when (not if, since occasional failure is inevitable) things don’t work out, be supportive instead of upset. Your team will see that you’ve got their backs, and they will bring their best knowing you support them.

7. Forgetting to celebrate the milestones

Given the hectic schedule of 21st century professionals, you may think it’s not a big deal to forget a birthday or work anniversary here or there. But it is. In fact, it’s inexcusable, especially given the whole suite of organizational tools and apps you can use for reminders. If you’re still not on the tech train, write the important dates on a team calendar and post it somewhere everyone can see it on a daily basis. Research shows that milestones are important occasions to celebrate and appreciate your coworkers—employees of all generations around the globe agree. Learn how to show your appreciation appropriately, and you’re well on your way to becoming a fantastic leader.

Becoming a great leader isn’t all about the resolution list of “dos”. Eliminate these “don’ts” first to see the biggest impact. You may be surprised at how effectively they boost your team’s ability to collaborate, innovate, and deliver great work throughout 2016 and beyond.

Learn more about the NYT Bestselling book Great Work: How to Make a Difference People Love.

 

Forbes.com | January 8, 2016 |  David Sturt and Todd Nordstrom

#Strategy : 37 Words and Phrases That Immediately Increase Your Credibility…Want your Writing or Speech to be More Persuasive? These Words will Help.

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If you think choosing precisely the right words doesn’t matter much, you’re wrong. A single word can have amazing power to change human behavior

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