#Leadership: How You Support Others Starkly Shows How You #Lead…As a Mutuality-Minded, Connective #Leader, Demonstrate that being a Strong Team Player is As Important as Being a Rising Star, & Act as If that is also Their True Intention

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I played the Triangles Game as the last step the Coro Foundation used to select Fellows for its public affairs program. What I discovered — about being a connective, sought-after leader — was unexpected and unforgettable.

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Here’s what happened.

All final applicants were seated in groups of six around round tables. In front of each of us was placed a varied set of triangle-shaped cards. The board chair stood up in front of us all and said, “There is only one goal to this game and only three rules. The goal is to see which team finishes first. To finish, each of you at your table will have assembled in front of you a set of the triangles that fits to create a larger triangle. The first iron-clad rule is that you cannot ask for the piece you want back in trade to complete your triangle, made out of pieces. Instead, you must accept any piece that is offered to you in trade. Three, you cannot talk until the game is over because a team has won.”

What ensued was unforgettable, especially in retrospect after we heard the Coro leaders describe the behaviors we displayed when playing this game. For example, some individuals, in their ardor to win, couldn’t help but grab the card they wanted, throwing one of theirs back quickly in their drive to be first to complete their triangle of pieces. Others, as they came closer to completing their overall triangle of pieces, muttered under their breath their requests  – and pointed at what they wanted from someone else. After just a few trades, almost all of us instinctively kept peering down at our partially assembled set of cards,  looking for what was missing and who had one of them.

Adeptly Helping Others Is The Best Way To Help Yourself

Our team won, and certainly not because of me but because of Sue Wong (yes, that really is her name), who sat next to me. Unlike the rest of us, she was looking at what cards were missing in front of each of her teammates’ mix of cards. Then she was looking down to see which card she had that might help one of us complete our overall triangle of cards, and accepting the discards from us.

Eventually she was orchestrating the completion of each teammate’s triangle by aptly sharing the discarded cards she received to the right member. In so doing she facilitated our winning. She played the mutuality-mindset “card” of behavior better than anyone else on our team or the other teams. Everyone received an indelible first-hand experience of the power of mutuality behavior after the wise Coro leader drolly described to all of us in the room what we had done “together.”

Tip: “Don’t be a sheep, be a shepherd.” ~ Yael Citro, LawPal co-founder

 

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Articulating Their Specific Talent Can Help Them Strengthen It

When I was a Wall Street Journal reporter, my bureau chief bluntly told me one day that I took too long when interviewing some people, and sometimes that was a good thing. I got insights about the interviewees’ views on other topics.

He told me that, when I finished writing the story I was assigned, I should write notes about their answers to questions I asked that were not directly related to the story. Then in future stories, I might see where one of those interviewees had an unexpected yet relevant angle and quote them. In effect, my bureau chief showed me a talent I did not know I had, that I saw patterns between apparently unrelated things people said. That insight was life changing for me.

Consequently I developed a habit of explicitly telling others when I saw them demonstrate a specific talent that appeared to be hidden to them.

My boss, the bureau chief, was also extremely blunt – and invariably right — in describing my shortcomings and thus ultimately became a valuable sponsor for me in my career. Over time our relationship morphed into one of mutual mentoring, one of the most precious and continuing traits to our flourishing friendship.

Hint: A mutuality mindset multiplies opportunities and moments of camaraderie for us.

Vividly and specifically praise others when they shine a spotlight on individuals who are showing their strengths. In so doing, connective leaders can contagiously create close bonds and model connective behavior that embodies the sentimentRosabeth Moss Kanter advocates for leading: “I stand behind you. My job is to make yours successful.”

When They Make a Mistake, Enable Them to Save Face and Self-Correct

Help self others

What if Jennifer successfully completed a project that was vital to the division you supervise, yet left colleagues in the lurch on other projects – without telling them? You have an opportunity to offer a vital team-values lesson.

Act as if she understood she’d made a mistake. Meet with her privately and say, “I appreciate your great work on that project. And I know you feel badly that your colleagues didn’t learn, in time, that they would need to rapidly make adjustments to get the other projects completed. In our next meeting, how do you want to explain to them how you will do things differently in similar situations in the future? You have strong talents and I want to fully back you in gaining their support.”

Tip: As a mutuality–minded, connective leader, demonstrate that being a strong team player is as important as being a rising star — and act as if that is also their true intention.

 

Forbes.com | May 18, 2015  | Kare Anderson