#Strategy : How To Deal With A Workplace Bully: Advice For Victims, Bosses, & Co-Workers…Bullies are Often Reluctant to Change their Behavior Because it Works for Them.

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While Most People Think of Bullies as Kids, Bullying Doesn’t End with High School. Childhood bullies often grow up to become office bullies. In fact, the Workplace Bullying Institute, estimates that up to one-third of employees may be victims of workplace bullying.

 

What Workplace Bullies Do

Workplace bullies behave similarly to teen bullies. In addition to intimidating their victims, they may spread rumors to tarnish a co-worker’s reputation, or fail to invite an employee to a key team meeting. They may also make fun of their co-workers or tell inappropriate jokes at a victim’s expense.

Bullying isn’t just detrimental to victims, it damages the entire work environment. Workplace bullies impact every level of business, from productivity and profitability to creativity and office morale.

 

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How to Deal with Workplace Bullies

To gain more insight into how to best deal with workplace bullies, I spoke with Sherri Gordon, About.com’s Bullying Expert and the author of 10 books,  including Are You Being Abused? Gordon offered her expertise for dealing with an office bully.

 Amy Morin: What should someone who has been bullied at work do?

Sherri Gordon: Being bullied has serious consequences, especially if it is long-term. So do what you can to protect your mental and physical health. One way to do that is recognize what you can control and what you cannot control. In other words, you cannot control what a bully says or does, but you can control your response.

It is also a good idea to set boundaries with a bully. Be direct about what you do not like about his behavior and let him know that if he continues you will report him. Try not to get emotional when you are talking to a bully because he will likely use this against you.

If the bullying continues and is not a one-time incident of mean behavior, report it to your supervisor. And if the bully is your supervisor, go to his supervisor.

Be sure that you have documentation of the incident, including dates, times and witnesses. Be sure your presentation is as professional as possible. Stick to the facts and ask for a resolution to the issue.

Morin: What should someone do if a co-worker is being bullied?

Gordon: If another employee is bullied, offer to be a friend. Invite your co-worker to have lunch or coffee and just listen. Encourage the employee to report the bullying as well. While you could report the bullying, it is better when victims advocate for themselves.

Avoid listening to gossip or rumors and stand up for the victim when you can. For instance, simply saying something like, “She has always been nice to me,” or “I have always thought she was very professional,” are simple ways to show support for the victim and to stop the bully from spreading rumors. You can also walk away and refuse to engage in trashing another employee’s reputation.

Morin: How should a leader or supervisor respond to bullying?

Gordon: Workplace bullies tend to target the co-workers who are the best and brightest employees because they want to drive out anyone they see as a threat to their own personal career advancement. Bullies attack the very people you want working for your company.

Foster a team atmosphere and encourage people to work together and support one another. Also, be sure to squash any attempts employees make to gossip, spread rumors or to talk poorly about other co-workers.

For instance, if an employee says “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but…” stop him or her right there and say, “Yep, you probably shouldn’t tell me.”

If, despite your best efforts, you still have an employee that bullies another employee, address it right away. If you have a human resources department, be sure to bring it to their attention. Be sure to follow your company’s guidelines for addressing workplace bullying and harassment.

If your company is small and does not have an HR department, talk with the employee about his or her actions. Document the incident in the employee’s file. Include details about the incident, information about your meeting, as well as dates, times and witnesses so that you have this information should the employee bully the same person again or a different person. At the close of the meeting, be sure that the offending employee knows what could happen if he or she continues to bully others.

Do not pull the victim of the bullying into the meeting with you. Remember, a victim of bullying often feels intimidated by the aggressor, so your attempts to get the full story or to mediate the situation will not be productive. You need to speak with them both separately.

Once you have addressed the issue, follow up on the situation to see if any additional bullying has occurred. You may need to monitor this situation for several months or a year. Bullies are often reluctant to change their behavior because it works for them.

Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, keynote speaker, and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, a bestselling book that is being translated into more than 20 languages. 

 

Forbes.com | August 21, 2015 | Amy Morin